Page 18 of In the Name of the Father

Malcolm gave Seth a wide smile. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

As Seth went about preparing their food, Malcolm thought he might take the opportunity to ask Seth a few questions while he was relaxed and not thinking too hard.

“I guess you must have gained your culinary skills from your mom.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Malcolm wished he could take them back. Seth had frozen, his shoulders drooping. From his profile, it had been apparent how his features had gone slack.

“Uh, a bit yes. Before she died.”

Damn. Malcolm ran his hand across the top of his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up such a painful subject. We don’t need to talk about that.”

The muscles worked under the skin of Seth’s jaw, then he slowly went back to grating the cheese. “No, that’s all right. It was a long time ago. I was only seven, so I barely remember her. Just bits and pieces, but yes. I can remember helping her in the kitchen.” He gave Malcolm a sad smile. “The memory of feeling as if what I was doing made her happy, that my being there was important—that’s what I mostly recall.”

“That’s a wonderful memory. May I ask what she died of?”

“Uh, yeah.” Seth placed the grater in the sink. “She had breast cancer. My father told me and my two younger brothers that it was because of her many transgressions against the Lord that he’d struck her down.”

Malcolm pressed his lips together to keep from blurting out what he truly thought of Seth’s father. But lashing out in anger wouldn’t help Seth. It would only cause him more anguish.

Malcolm kept his tone neutral. “That’s a horrible thing to say to children who are barely old enough to understand the concept of death. How old were your brothers at the time?”

“Three and five.” Seth added the cubes of ham he’d finished chopping up to the bowl with the grated cheddar. “My father…” Seth shook his head as if he couldn’t bear to say out loud whatever words he had running through his mind. “Well, let’s just say that he had his own way of viewing things.”

“I’m very sorry about your mother, Seth. I also lost someone I loved very much to cancer and it’s a terrible thing to go through.”

Seth straightened and stopped what he was doing. “One of your parents?”

“No.” Given what Seth had said to him the night before in the coffee shop, Malcolm wasn’t sure he would understand. At least not yet. “I lost my partner, Everett. The man who would’ve been my husband if he’d survived to see gay marriage become legal. We didn’t find out he had pancreatic cancer until he was in the advanced stages. He went fast and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over the loss, and I think in some ways, we never do. I can’t imagine going through something that intense as a child.”

Seth appeared as if he’d been struck. “Oh no. That’s… I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I said what I did last night. How can you forgive me?”

Malcolm frowned. Seth was becoming increasingly distraught. The leg jiggling was back, and his features were twisted in pain.

“Hey, Seth. Look at me. Now.” Seth did as he was told, and Malcolm held his gaze. “You had no way of knowing, and as you said yourself, you’ve been programmed to believe things that aren’t necessarily your opinion.”

“I don’t thinkanyof the things I’ve been told are my opinion. Not anymore.” Seth regarded him with a pleading expression. “But I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by saying you didn’t know how to love. I feelterriblenow.”

“I won’t tell you how to feel, Seth, but please know that I’m not upset, not at all. I can only guess at what you’ve been through at this point.” Malcolm rubbed his chin. “How about this? For the rest of the day, I won’t ask you any more personal questions. Not because I’m not interested in you or your life, but so I don’t accidentally touch on a subject you’re not ready to discuss. Why don’t you take the lead on that for now? Ask me whatever you want, and I’ll talk about whatever you want. However, it’ll be up to you. Sound good?”

“I guess that would be all right.” Seth worried his lip. “You said just for now, though. The part about me taking the lead?”

Malcolm chuckled. “That might’ve been a slip of the tongue. I don’t have to lead the way in everything, we’re on equal footing here.”

“But you like to? Be the one in charge?”

After taking a sip of his rapidly cooling coffee and trying to parse out what it was Seth was getting at, Malcolm finally spoke. “I like to be the one in charge, yes. What about you? Do you prefer to be the leader, or would you rather let others be in charge?”

Seth gave him a lopsided smile. “I thought I was supposed to be the one who asked the questions today?”

Malcolm let out a laugh. “Ah, that’s how it is, huh?” He winked. “Fair enough.”

Seth chuckled. “That’s all right. It’s an easy question for me to answer. Ineverwant to be in charge. Ever.”

The spark of an idea came to Malcolm. “I tell you what. Let’s have breakfast, get ready to go then you can accompany to the vineyard. I’ll probably only be a couple hours at the most. Then what do you say we head to the beach? It’s only about an hour from my winery.”

Seth was practically bouncing on his toes. “The beach? For real? I’ve never been, never. But I’ve always wanted to go. I didn’t realize how close it was!”

Finally, I said something right. “It’s a beautiful drive. We can have dinner there, too, I know of a place that serves a great clam chowder.”

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