Page 62 of What are the Chances

Mason

I’VE ALWAYS HAD A hard time differentiating between my head and my heart. Isn’t that how society works? Isn’t that one of the age-old questions? They always ask, did you lead with your head or your heart?

Why do I have to choose? Why must it be one or the other?

Now, with me lying on the ground in my mother’s garden, pushing Kyle off me, I wonder whether I led with my head or my heart. When I stand up, struggling to catch my breath, wiping the blood from my chin, I’m thinking I used both.

“Get off me, you fucker,” I grunt.

Kyle rests his hand on his waist and brushes his blonde hair to the side. He looks the same as he did in University, wearing a blue striped polo shirt and a pair of khaki shorts.

Sam stands off to the side, between me and Kyle. He doesn’t speak a word, most likely afraid to jump in the middle of whatever this is between us.

“You deserved it, you asshole,” Kyle yells.

“I deserved it?” I ask, still breathless.

“Yeah, I come all the way here to find you with my girlfriend,” he scoffs, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “I shouldn’t be too surprised. You were always Sam’s annoying little brother. Always following us around. You always wanted what I have.”

I clench my fists, knowing I’m going to feel the soreness set in later. Right now, I’m still fueled by anger and adrenaline.

“You don’t have anything, Kyle. And you have no idea what you’re talking about, I never wanted what you have.”

Kyle’s eyes harden, and he releases a hot breath through his nose. His nostrils flare, and I’m more irritated just by him doing it.

“Whatever,” he waves me off. “The point here is, you’re fucking my girlfriend.”

I take a step forward, ready to punch him again.

“That’s the last time you speak about Charlotte that way, you goddamn piece of shit.”

“I’ll talk about her any way I want.” He steps forward, clenching his teeth, just like me. “You don’t know shit about her. I’m the one who’s known her for years. You’ve known her what, all of two weeks, and you somehow know all about who she is and what she’s like? She’s mine.”

“No, she’s not.” I pause, trying to gather my thoughts. “You want to know what astonishes me?” I don’t even wait for him to respond before answering my own question. “It boggles my mind how you could possibly think she’s still yours when you’ve cheated on her over and over and over again. Did you honestly think she would put up with your bullshit forever? You don’t deserve her.”

“Mase,” Sam says.

“Hang on a second, Sam.” I hold my arm out toward Sam without breaking my eyes away from Kyle. I’m still struggling to catch my breath, readying myself to go another round with Kyle after what I’m about to say. I swipe my tongue across my lip, the metallic taste of my blood filling my mouth.

“I’ve managed to know more about Charlotte than you have in the entire fecking time you’ve been with her. She even called you to tell you it was over, but you didn’t have the decency to answer. She had to break up with you over a voicemail. But you just show up here, demanding her back. And for what?” I stop, allowing myself to catch my breath.

It’s as if all my emotions are pouring out at this moment. I ignore the pain settling into my muscle and bone. My hand aches, my shoulder stings, and my face is starting to swell. I narrow my eyes at Kyle.

“Charlotte doesn’t need anyone. She doesn’t even need me. But the difference between you and me is, Charlotte wants me. She doesn’t want you and hasn’t for a long time. And even if she doesn’t need me, I need her. I need her, Kyle. That’s something you’ve never felt in that tiny shithole brain of yours. If there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s you haven’t changed a bit since University.”

“Mason!” Sam says my name again, only this time I notice him standing a bit closer, his voice louder than before.

“What, Sam?”

“Um.” He trades glances between me and Kyle, then looks over his shoulder toward the house, looking nervous and worried. “Charlotte’s gone.”

“What?” I turn around and point to my mother’s tree where Charlotte and I were before Kyle showed up. “She was just right…” She’s gone. I’m frantically looking around the yard as if she’ll somehow magically appear.

“I already looked for her in the house,” Sam says. “But she wasn’t there. All of her luggage is gone too.” He’s breathing heavily, and it takes me a minute to realize I hadn’t even noticed Sam had gone to look for Charlotte.

Staring at Sam, I feel my chest heave and twist. I was being selfish once again.

“Great,” Kyle says. “Charlotte’s all by herself, wandering around in a country she doesn’t even know. I hope you know this is all your fault.”

---