Page 59 of What are the Chances

Charlotte

THE FADED BLACK-AND-white picture feels rough under my fingertips as I scan my grandmother’s face with my finger. I never knew her, but seeing her dark hair pulled back into a tight bun, standing next to her sister has me feeling even more emotional than I did when I knocked on Alma’s door.

My chest is tight with how much anger is rippling through me. I’m so angry. Angry I fell so hard, so fast. Angry I trusted so easily. Angry this happened again. I fell for a man who easily kept secrets from me and broke my trust.

A soft knock on my door has me lifting my head from the small portrait in my hand.

“I put on some tea.” Alma’s calm face appears in the small doorway, but the way her lips are turned down confirms she’s worried about me. When I showed up on her doorstep in tears, she was quick to pull me into a hug and shower me with hot tea and breaded treats.

“Okay,” I softly agree, getting up from the warm bed Alma made up for me last night. I follow her through the door and down the short hallway until we’re met with brilliant sunlight. I blink, wishing the weather would cooperate and match my melancholy mood today. I carefully scoot onto one of Alma’s kitchen stools and grip the mug of tea she poured for me.

“Let’s get to it then. Are ye goin to tell me what’s goin on?” Alma huffs in her thick accent, worrying over a breakfast dish that has meat and something else I’m not familiar with. I hadn’t felt like talking last night, just crying, so Alma was kept in the dark about why I’d mysteriously shown up on her stoop. Although, since I was without Mason, I’m sure she’s made an educated guess.

“It’s a long story,” I begin and wince. It sounds like I don’t want to include her in my life, so I backpedal. “What I mean is, it’s a little petty, but I’ll explain.” I flick my eyes to Alma’s back as she busies over the food.

“Mason saw a picture of my boyfriend kissing another woman. He saw it over a week ago, right when we started acting like friends, then continued to keep it a secret from me after we became more than friends.” I take a small sip of the hot tea and adjust the wrap around my shoulders. It’s bright outside but chilly in Alma’s house.

Alma stirs the pot in front of her, then turns to cut a few vegetables. She focuses on her project but gives me a slight nod to encourage me to continue.

“I kissed Mason before I officially broke up with Kyle. I had told Mason about how Kyle had cheated on me last year and how much I was struggling. He knew we hadn’t been in a good place. But the day we spread his cats’ ashes, he kissed me, and I kissed him back. I felt so horrible, Alma. I never wanted to repay Kyle for what he did to me. I never wanted to be that person in a relationship. Mason made me feel so guilty about it.”

Alma stops stirring and pins me with a curious look.

“So, this picture he saw was of your boyfriend recently cheating?” Alma’s eyebrow raises, just slightly.

“Yes, right after I landed in Ireland. Kyle was supposed to come with me but said he couldn’t get time off work. Turns out, he traveled to Spain instead.”

I sip my tea again, trying to push the hurt back. Oddly enough, the hurt doesn’t surround Kyle at all. No, it revolved solely around Mason knowing and not telling me.

“So, Mason knew and made you feel guilty about kissing him?” Alma clarifies as she minces an onion. What on earth is she making?

“Yes, and after I broke up with Kyle via voicemail, Mason still wasn’t satisfied and said some harsh things to me about not finalizing it with Kyle.” A fresh batch of hurt makes its way into my voice as I finish my story.

“I feel like such an idiot, Alma. I felt so terrible about how I ended things with Kyle as though I didn’t do enough to properly end it, so I was free and clear to start something with Mason.” I point at my chest as tears fill my eyes again.

“I felt terrible. All the while Mason knew. He knew and could have made me feel better about being with him. About kissing him and sleeping with him—about falling in love with him. But he chose to keep me in the dark, chose his secrets over me, just like Kyle.” I swipe at my tears as my chin wobbles. A sob is stuck inside my lungs, and I ache to let it loose. I hate this. I hate how emotional I am over a man I just met, but this hurt he left me with stings and burns in ways I’d never experienced with anyone else.

“Oh, my sweet girl, let it free. Ya have to let the hurt out, or it will fester inside your bones and break you,” Alma whispers, wrapping her warm arms around me, rocking me in place. I cry into her shoulder, letting the hurt and confusion pour out of me.

“Now, did Mason say there was a reason he kept it from ya?” Alma has a firm hold of my arms as she stands back to examine me, looking for some clue in my tears.

I look down at my white coffee mug and wrinkle my eyebrows as I consider her question.

“He said Sam had asked him not to say anything. That Sam wanted me to hear it from someone who cared about me.” I let out an ugly sniff, reaching for a napkin to clean up my meltdown.

“Let me ask you this, dear.” Alma turns me until we’re eye level, and her light blue gaze devours my blotchy face.

“What would have happened with you and Mason if this big hiccup didn’t occur?”

I let my thoughts flit over the idea I’d had of us together, but in the end, no matter what I wanted with Mason, there was always something I wanted more.

“I would have told him I was moving here and hoped he’d move with me.”

“You can’t start a new chapter without finishing the old one.” Alma leans forward and kisses my forehead. “Go to him, try to hear his heart without your anger in place and see if peace can be made. You owe it to your heart to give it another try. If nothing can be done, then get on your flight tomorrow, pack your things and come home.”

My heart swells at the word ‘home.’ I know this is right. Regardless of the condition of my heart and where things are with Mason, Ireland is right. Family is right. It’s home.

I lean forward until Alma’s hugging me again. I know I need to try to talk with Mason one more time. It didn’t hurt any less, but the idea of going back to California and leaving without him hurt even more.

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