Page 51 of What are the Chances

Sighing, I swallow. I can’t lie.

“Claire gave it to me when we first started dating.”

“Oh.” I can sense the sadness in her voice. Although I’m unsure if it’s sadness for me and what Claire did or if it’s the conversation of exes in general.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought her up,” I say, guilt burrowing itself into my skin.

“No,” she says, pressing her palm flat against my chest. “I asked. I want you to tell me the truth, Mase, no matter how you think I’d feel hearing it. You had a past with Claire. It makes total sense, so don’t feel you have to hold back for my sake. I’m not some fragile piece of glass.”

I reach out and tuck a stray hair that’s fallen in front of her face behind her ear. I feel her words worm their way into my throat. I will myself to speak, but the words don’t come.

She lays her head back down, resting her cheek against my skin. I cup her head with my hand.

“Kyle used to keep secrets from me all the time,” she whispers. She pauses and the room fills with silence. “Lies are bad, secrets are worse.”

My heart beat suddenly picks up again, thinking of the secret I’ve kept from her. It’s wrong to keep this from Charlotte, no matter that I promised Sam I wouldn’t. Even if it wasn’t my secret to tell, Charlotte deserves to know. She deserves to know everything, regardless whether or not I believed it mattered anymore.

I think back to this past week, all the times I was tempted to tell Charlotte about Kyle’s picture. A part of me convinced myself it was because I had made a promise to Sam, or that it wasn’t my place to tell her. But now, with her body lying against me, I know I was only lying to myself. I kept it a secret because I felt like it didn’t really matter. Kyle was a piece of shit, regardless of when he had cheated. Did it really matter he had done it again? Charlotte, in her mind, obviously knew it was over long before the picture was posted, so would it really have made a difference if she knew?

It wouldn’t to her, but it would to me. If she knew, if I somehow told her, I risked losing her. I couldn’t lose Charlotte. She was different. She had shown me not all women were the same.

Right now, as Charlotte speaks her truth about Kyle, I can’t help but feel myself being compared to him. I’m keeping a secret from Charlotte, just as Kyle had. I’ll be damned if I’m going to be compared to that pathetic excuse of a man.

I take a deep breath and run my fingers through Char’s hair one more time.

“Char?” I whisper.

“Yeah?” She lifts her head again, resting her chin against my chest.

She’s so fucking beautiful. The sun shines through the window, highlighting the red streaks hidden beneath her chestnut hair, her hazel eyes reflecting the sun’s rays. I do everything I can to muster up the courage to speak my truth.

Then I hear it, the sound of that gum on the bottom of my shoe, the lingering pieces ripping away from the pavement, reminding me of the past.

“I need to tell you something.” Staring into her eyes, I swallow my nerves, knowing this is it. I can do this.

“Hey, ye eegits! Daddy’s home!” a voice yells from downstairs.

The moment is suddenly ripped away, losing my chance to tell Charlotte the truth.

Halfway sitting up, I stare into Charlotte’s widened eyes, a smile spreading across her beautiful mouth.

“Sounds like Sam’s home.”

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