Page 59 of Back to Me

The anger is once again taken over by the immense sadness filling me. I’m not sure whether it’s Julian’s words that have slithered their way into my mind or if it’s something I never truly wanted to admit. But suddenly, even when Graham and I seemed to be so perfect for one another, there was always a fatal flaw, buried deep within. There will always be the one piece that will never quite fit, no matter how much time has passed. Maybe it’s the distance I’ve held from him, withdrawn just enough to see the flaws hidden beneath our relationship.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on,” I yell. My eyes well with tears once again, and I know there’s no turning back from the words exchanged between us. “You made me quit my job. Made me believe I had a chance to be successful, to finally do what I love to do. But you just used me to get ahead.”

Graham’s jaw ticks and flexes. His eyes flare into anger. I’ve never seen him this way, and the sight of him frightens me.

“Here you go, Sara. Don’t hold back. Lay it all out on the line.” He raises his finger, pointing it straight at me. “But I never told you to quit your job. You decided that all on your own.”

Tilting my head back, I scoff, “Well, you sure as hell didn’t persuade me otherwise.”

Stretching his arms out, Graham walks toward me in a gesture of surrender. Closing the gap between us, he stops a few feet away.

“My mind is wearing thin, Sara. I’m on your side. Don’t turn this shit around and search for an excuse to push me away.” Lowering his arms, he presses the palms of his hands against his stomach, begging me to listen. “I get it.” he continues. “You’re mad about what happened tonight. Shit, I’m fucking pissed about it. But don’t for one second believe I’ve been against you from the start. Sure, I’ve been jealous of you in the past. I spent years believing you were too good for me, and I would never be enough. I still feel that way sometimes.

“And I don’t deny it’s been hard for me to get anywhere with my art, for that one special person to open the door for me and take a chance. People take one look at my resume and throw it in the trash because the education earned stops at a high school diploma. But I also don’t deny it’s been hard for you as well. Why would I tell you not to quit when you gave me every reason to believe you were better than that job? Allison treated you like the dirt beneath her overpriced high heel. You were better than her. You were always better than her and her stupid gallery. After you decided to quit, I honestly believed this exhibit would change our lives.”

Crossing my arms, a chill grazes across my skin. Despite Graham speaking the truth about Allison, I can’t wrap my head around tonight. His own admission of jealousy doesn’t surprise me, hearing my suspicions confirmed out loud. Somehow, I always knew. I always knew this would be the one crack that divides us. Still, he hasn’t explained how it would be possible for my name to be completely absent from every sign unless he never told anyone it was part collaboration, lying to me by telling me Mr. Price had suggested it. But even now as the anger consumes me, I still couldn’t fully see Graham doing something like that. Regardless, the wound doesn’t hurt any less.

Nodding, I allow the tears to fall, dropping into the fabric of my bright, yellow dress. “You’re right, it did. It did change our lives.”

Panicked, Graham finally closes the remaining space between us, placing both hands on my cheeks. My tears absorb into the skin of his fingers.

“Don’t do this, Sara. Please. I will figure out what happened. Just don’t turn your back to me now.”

Shaking my head, I stare into those cerulean blue eyes I’ve loved for so long. Even if it wasn’t Graham’s fault, I just don’t see how we could get past all the secrets we’ve kept from each other, all the betrayals and hidden jealousies.

I search his face, hoping I have the strength to speak. “Even if we figure out why my name was missing, how can we fix this? I don’t think I can trust you anymore. Or look at you the same way. Maybe…” I choke on my sobs, working to get the words past my tongue. “Maybe, we’ve always had our backs to each other even when we didn’t intend to. We were just too blind to see it.”

“No.” Graham’s voice wavers, his lip quivering with the crushing realization of what I’m doing. “I spent way too many years waiting for you. I won’t lose you. I can’t. You’re my best friend, Sara.”

Taking a deep breath, my soul crushes, right along with Graham’s. We’re walking the tightrope once again. Graham on one end, me on the other. I can feel it. He reaches for me, and I pull back. But this time, it’s not only him who falls. And it’s not only me. Separately, we fall together.

“I can’t.”

Grabbing onto my hands, he holds them between us, pleading with me.

“Sara,” he whispers. “I know this isn’t you. This isn’t you, Sara. Something happened last week, didn’t it?” I can feel him grasping at straws, searching for a reason, any reason, for my leaving him.

My heart sinks, dropping to the pit of my stomach, causing a sickening feeling to grow in my throat. Of course, the encounter with Julian in the elevator changed me. Made me believe I was never safe, he would always find a way to find me. I had replayed it, listening to his voice repeating the words of how he hates to lose. Telling me he’ll never give up in his pursuit. In a constant state of looking over my shoulder, I’ve hidden away the past week, avoiding another chance meeting with Julian at all costs. I believed tonight would be different, surrounded by crowds of art enthusiasts and Graham by my side.

But instead, I’m in the middle of the parking lot, feeling Graham slip away. The stitches holding our relationship together, tearing apart with every sharp pull of the thread.

“Nothing happened,” I say, unconvincingly.

“Bullshit,” he grits out between clenched teeth. “What are you not telling me, Sara? Let me help you.”

Exhausted, I search Graham’s pleading eyes. He knows I’m hiding another secret from him. But how can I even begin to tell him about Julian now? And how can I be sure Julian won’t find out I told Graham everything he’s done to me and go after him? I can’t risk it.

“I don’t need your help, Graham.” Squeezing my eyes shut, I think about all those months I spent preparing for this night. “I don’t think you understand how fucked up all of this is. This was my career. I gave up everything to do this with you. I put all my faith in you and trusted you, truly believing we were in this together. And this is how you repay me? I have nothing left, Graham.”

“No.” His voice is strong and direct despite his crumbling appearance. “Sara, stop.” Running his fingers through his neatly groomed brown hair, I watch him fall apart. “Don’t leave. Please, don’t leave me. This isn’t… this isn’t how it was supposed to go.”

“I can’t do this,” I whisper. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

“Sara,” he says on a breath.

Ignoring him, silent tears fall down my cheeks as I look over Graham’s shoulder and ask Em, “Can you take me home?”

She’s standing several feet behind us, her arms crossed over her stomach, Cam’s arm wrapped around her, holding her against him. Her eyes are filled with sadness as she nods her head. “Of course,” she whispers.

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