Page 43 of Gambler's Fallacy

I let go of him, berating myself for my selfish thoughts as shame fills me. I’m not here for others to take care of.

I’m here for them to use.

“Maybe…” I start tentatively, “we should take care of your… injuries.”

I want to ask, so badly, what happened.

You don’t need to know, baby. Shh. Don’t worry your pretty head about it.

A full-bodied shudder runs through me as I hearhervoice, and it shuts me up more firmly than anything they could say.

Havoc sits down on my other side and leans in, taking a deep breath against my neck. “Sorry we woke you. Are you tired? We can go.”

I shake my head. “N-no,” I trip over the word, but I force my voice to sound more certain as I say, “I don’t want you to go.”

Vortex smiles at me, and it makes things a little better. “Only if you’re sure.”

Nodding, I tell him, “You need me.”

And I need them, even if I don’t know how to say it, even if I don’t want to bring the attention back to me.

Because every bit as much as I want to know what happened, I don’t want them to ask more questions about why I was in the closet.

Caleb yawns loudly. “I’ll bring some ointments. And washcloths. You two are filthy. If you’re staying the night, you have to wash Seven’s sheets in the morning.”

“We’ll bathe first,” Vortex says, shrugging. “And sleep naked. I have extra clothes stashed in one of the employee rooms for the morning.”

I don’t want them to abandon me to go shower, and I swallow around the lump in my throat. “It’s… It’s okay if you’re dirty. The sheets are fine,” I say.

Caleb leaves the room, and I shrink down. I feel Havoc’s hand clenching on my back.

“A shower would do us both good,” he says quietly. “I didn’t come for sex. I just needed to see you, Seven.”

I look at him, unsure of what to make of that. He must read the uncertainty in my expression because he leans in to kiss me. It’s gentle, which is surprisingly frustrating, and I insistently deepen it. “I want sex,” I whisper against his lips. “I always want sex.”

I desperately hope he doesn’t clock that for the lie it is.

It isn’t that Idon’twant sex right now; it’s familiar. But the familiarity is what has me trembling because it makes me feel like I’m back home.

“Seven…” Vortex says from in front of me. “It doesn’t always have to be about sex.”

I look at him, trying to convey ferocity instead of vulnerability as I say, “I know that. But I want it, and it’ll… It’ll help.”

Won’t it?

Caleb returns with several jars of those eucalyptus ointments, aswell as towels and lube. He walks to the bedside table and sets everything down there.

“If that’s all, I’m going to go back to sleep,” he says with a long yawn.

“You aren’t staying?” I ask, my voice going high.

Caleb pauses and stares down at me. Havoc holds me tighter, like he’s trying to shield me from Caleb’s gaze.

“I’m tired. I can watch, but I didn’t think Vortex or Havoc neededmycomfort,” Caleb says.

But I do, I want to say, but my mouth has gone dry and I can’t get the words out. Besides, it’s selfish.

“Okay,” I say, hating how small I sound.

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