Page 9 of Gambler's Fallacy

Havoc takes me to the couch, forcing me to cuddle against him. I bury my head in his shoulder and clutch his shirt, trying to force myself to calm down. They don’t want me to act like this.

No one does.

You need to calm down, baby.

I shudder, her voice as vivid as if she was standing in the room with us. There’s no room for negotiation there, no room for anything but obedience.

I sob even though I’m not supposed to cry, either. I feel so helpless and hopeless, like there’s nothing that’s going to break through this.

The tea kettle beeps right as Caleb arrives. He looks disheveled, like he rushed here, and I feel even worse for my silly tantrum.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

Caleb glances at me, and Havoc’s arm around me tightens.

“Tea,” Vortex says, holding up the tea mug. He walks around Caleb and comes over to me and Havoc. “It’s a bit hot, so be careful not to burn yourself.”

My hands are shaking so badly, and I think that if I spilled it, I’d get atouchof pain. Nothing they could blame me for, and nothing overt, but something that might make this more bearable.

Would they realize what I’d done?

Would they care?

The only thing that stops me is that it would probably get all over Havoc, too, so I hold up my trembling hands. “I… can’t.”

Vortex nods, then brings the mug up to my lips. “Slowly, okay?”

I don’t know if I can drink it slowly, but he’s gentle, and he only gives me a few sips at a time. I pull back after only a little, and myeyes go to Caleb. Raggedly, I tell him, “I’m so sorry. I… I shouldn’t have…”

Caleb’s eyes pierce into me. “Shouldn’t havewhat, pet?” he asks harshly.

I shrink back against the couch, hurt by the tone. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to… to interrupt…”

Havoc squeezes my shoulders. “What the fuck? Lay off, Caleb.”

Caleb ignores him and keeps staring at me. “What shouldn’t you have done, pet?”

The panic starts to surge again, and I can’t catch my breath. “You were… working…”

I can’t. I can’t deal with this. I can’t handle it.

But I can’t stop looking at Caleb, either.

“I shouldn’t have interrupted,” I manage to get out between raspy inhalations.

I don’t understand Caleb’s expression, and I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing for a rebuke or a blow.

“Do you want me to hurt you, Seven?” Caleb asks. “Do you want Havoc to choke you? Do you want Vortex to hold you down?”

His words surprise me into sucking in a deep breath, and my eyelashes flutter at the thought of something so tangible, something I could tether myself to. I want to tell him yes, but I can’t get the word out. I’ll choke on it if I try. So I nod quickly.

All of it, I want to say.

I want all of it,needall of it.

Vortex moves, setting the cup of tea down on the coffee table. I’m not sure what he thinks of the idea, but he’s at least going through the motions.

“All right. Havoc, Vortex, take Seven to the bedroom. I’m going to feed the cats, then I’ll follow. Seven…” Caleb trails off and shakes his head. “Never mind. You’re going to suck Havoc. I want you milking him by the time I’m done with the cats. Got it?”

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