Page 55 of Gambler's Fallacy

The back of my neck prickles, and a shadow falls over me.

I swivel my chair, and freeze up when I see Linda standing there, arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“Have you been here all morning?” she demands.

I feel the color drain from my face, and I shrink back away from her glare. “I…” I fumble, glancing frantically at Nat.

They’re frowning, and they say, “Hey, go easy on the kid.”

She ignores them, her scowl deepening. “You didn’t show up for your shift. Ellen had to cover for you, on top of doing her own work. There are three shows tonight, and half the staff is pulling double-duty and working on the big MMA event so we don’t have any hands to spare. And youstilldecided to shirk your duties by gambling?”

“I’m sorry.” Tears try to spring to my eyes, but I force them back. I can’t cry. Not here, not now.

Not in front of Linda.

She looks so much likeher, furious at me for making mistakes because I always —always— end up screwing up somehow.

Even this, which should’ve been good for me. Maybe that’s why. Maybe I’m not supposed to have anything good.

Nat is quiet, and I don’t look in their direction. There’s nothing they can say that would help my case, and I don’t blame them, but I wish they’d speak up for mesomehow.

“You’resorry.” Linda makes a disgusted sound. “Like Janet was sorry for showing up high. Excuses don’t help me run a smooth show, Seven.”

I swallow hard, but it doesn’t help.

You know better than to cry, baby. You’ll have to be punished. Don’t you know how much trouble you caused?

I fight to push back the vivid memory, and my hands twitch with the need to hide my face like I’m a child all over again, trying to hide from the monsters in the room — if they can’t see me, I can’t see them.. It hadn’t worked then, and it won’t work now.

It’ll only make me look more pathetic.

I’ve always known that, but now everyone else can see it, too.

“Linda…” Nat’s voice is alarmed, and I realize I’m shaking so violently my teeth are chattering. “I’m calling Vortex.”

Linda nods. “Might as well. I’ll have to tell him that I can’t use Seven after all. I don’t put up with unreliable staff.”

“Hey,” Nat sounds sharper. “Do you not see the way he’s freaking out?”

Their words sound like they’re coming through water, distant and distorted, and even though I want to flee, I can’t move.

“Vortex?” I hear Nat say. “It’s Nat. I need you to come to my table.”

I want Vortex so badly right now. I want him to scoop me up in his arms and tell me it’s okay, to call mebeautifuland that it’s okay, but…

But he’s going to be upset, too. Disappointed. Everyone’s going to be mad at me, and I suppress another whimper as I think about how they’re all going to look at me.

I’m such a failure.

I grab the edge of the blackjack table, bracing myself for more admonishments.

“Seven…” Linda starts, her voice more gentle. “Look, I like you, kid, okay? I’m talking about work here.”

I shake my head. “I’m sorry,” I whisper again. “I didn’t…”

I didn’t mean to screw up.

I didn’t mean to be this way.

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