Page 58 of Power Forward

When I look back up, Ethan’s smile is sad.

“It makes sense. Sometimes our biggest demon is our own minds. I mean,hell, I spent a long fucking time allowing my fear of history repeating itself to rule my life. We’reconditioned to believe that we’re strong, and emotions are for the weak, but ultimately, the only people we’re hurting by doing that is ourselves.”

Ethan told me all about how he fell in love with Jacob while on summer break in London but was too chickenshit to show his underbelly and take what he wanted because he had been burned in the past. It almost cost him Jacob. But he managed to pull his head out of his ass and go for what he wanted, fear be damned.

Maybe I need to take a page out of his book.

“I guess I’m just scared,” I admit.

“Because you’ve got more than just yourself to think about now?”

I nod.

“Eh, kids are more resilient than you think, but I get it. It’s natural to be cautious, given you’ve gone through a divorce and moved states, but if everything in you is telling you this thing between you and Hayden is right…” He shrugs. “Sometimes you’ve just gotta go for it because life’s too short for regrets and questioning the ‘what could have been.’”

Ethan’s right. Everything inside me is screaming that this is it. That he was my first love, but it was the wrong time for us back then. Hayden has slotted back into my life better than he did before, and I would be a fool to ignore the magnetic connection between us. He’s proved himself tirelessly. My heart yearns for him, and I know it could go one of two ways. It could be the best thing, or it could destroy me more than it did before.

“You’re good at this, you know.”

He arches a brow. “What’s that?”

“Being the one who gives good advice. Carter mentioned the talk you gave him when he and Zach were figuring things out, and Alex and Blaine adore the shit out of you.”

He rolls his eyes, but it doesn’t do anything to dampen the smile that appears on his lips. “I’m gonna start charging you all for my time.”

“Hey, I should get it for free, considering I’ve taken on the role of team dad, apparently.”

He snorts. “Good luck with that.”

We pass the time chatting about the season and our plans for the holidays. Before I leave, I fetch him a coffee, then slip on my coat.

“Oh, I know what I was going to ask you. Jacob mentioned letting him know when Hayden’s back in town and something about if there’s too much frosting, it won’t fit in your mouth?”

For the first time ever, the top of Ethan’s cheeks turn pink. He blushes. Fuckingblushes.

I bark out a laugh. “Holy shit! Are you telling me that he was on about something sexual?”

“Fuck off,” he grunts, but it’s only half-hearted. “Get out of my house.”

I hold my stomach and bow over with laughter. “I never knew you had it in you.”

“I didn’t. I had it on me.” His eyes widen, and then he blanches, realizing what he said. “Don’t you dare tell the guys. They won’t let me hear the end of it.”

I hold my hands up in surrender, but I’m still struggling to breathe. “It’s in the vault, I swear.” I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Once I’ve stoppedwheezing, I ask with a smirk, “But you recommend it, yeah?”

He shoots me a glare with his dark brown eyes, then gives the slightest of nods.

I slap him on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Ethan Parkes.”

He huffs in response. I turn and head toward the door, stopping when he calls out my name.

“Talk to Hayden. Be vulnerable, and go for what you want.”

“I will. Thanks.”

I say goodbye and head back into my car, feeling a lot lighter than I did before.

Chapter Twenty

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