Page 51 of Power Forward

Oh.Oh.

I stand up, shaking my head softly. “I promise you I won’t rethink this. Tell me what you need from me.” I kiss him gently. “Tell me what I can do to make this be good for you.”

Chapter Eighteen

Hayden

This is so fucking embarrassing. I know it needs to be said, but fuck, I’m going to kill the mood big-time. Because how can I say, “Oh, hey, so I struggle to get hard sometimes, please don’t take it personally,” without killing his boner?

Jackson smooths his hands along my shoulders, then rubs his thumbs into the muscle between my neck and shoulders.

“Talk to me,” he says gently.

“This is really fucking embarrassing.” I scrub my face with both hands. “My medication means sometimes I can’t get hard or stay hard, or when I do, I struggle to come.”

I drop my gaze, focusing on his designer belt buckle. The imprint of his semi-hard dick is still visible through his dress pants, and I make a mental note that I did that. My broken, fucked-up self made this incredible man hard.

“Hey.” He tilts my chin up until I’m looking into his blue eyes. “This doesn’t change anything, okay? I still want you.I’m not going to be jumping ship because I can’t jump on your dick like I used to.”

I snort at his choice of words, and then we both burst into laughter.

“I mean it,” he says between laughter, then sobers. “If anything, I want to know how I can make this good for you. I’ve already been looking up how to make things comfortable for you with your arthritis, but now I want to know how I can make this good for you regardless of whether you get hard or shoot your load. I want to show you there’s no pressure from me. I just want you to be comfortable and satisfied.”

The back of my eyes burns at his earnest expression.

This has been something that’s been plaguing me for a long time. Four and a half years, in fact. Zara and I stopped having sex long before we filed for divorce, and the times I tried to bring someone home from a hookup app, they left disappointed because I couldn’t get hard. After that, I stopped trying.

But I’m not going to tell him that.

I’ve gotten by with my hand, some lube, and a whole heap of frustration. I don’t want him thinking that he might be able to cure me or some shit.

“Thank you,” I whisper, then decide to lay my vulnerability on the table. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

He takes my face in both hands and presses his lips to mine in a kiss that’s brimming with emotion. His tongue slides perfectly against mine. Our chests slot together just right. I can feel the gentle beat of his heart, almost in rhythm with mine.

“You won’t disappoint me, Cas,” he promises against my swollen lips. “I mean it.”

And that’s all the validation I need to push my embarrassment down and take the lead. With my hands on his chest, I push him down onto the bed. He sits willingly, then spreads his legs for me to step between them. His hands glide up the back of my thighs to my ass and give both cheeks a squeeze.

I start by removing his shirt, uncovering his strong, rounded shoulders and muscular torso. Carefully placing his shirt on the chair alongside mine, making sure it doesn’t crease, I bite back a smile at the fact he’s going to smell my aftershave on him tomorrow.

Without a word, I motion for him to lie back on the bed and let out a strangled moan as his abs ripple.

“You’re so fucking hot, Jax.”

His pupils flare, darkening with heat. “Says you. You look like a ripped, tattooed god. Take your pants off already.”

I grin down at him.

“Soon.”

I unbuckle his belt and pop open the button of his dress pants. I tap his hip with my fingers.

“Lift.”

He raises his hips, and I tug down his pants, folding them neatly on the chair next to his shirt. When I return to stand between his legs, I take in the sight of him lying on the bed. Thick thighs dusted in dark blond hair are spread wide. His hard cock strains against his gray boxer briefs, and my balls tingle when I see the small wet spot near the head of his leaking cock.

I continue my visual exploration, trailing up his V-cut, over his abs and wide chest. His hands fist the bedspread underneath him like he’s trying so hard not to touch himself or me. The small smattering of chest hair between his pecs has my tongue darting out to lick along my bottom lip.

---