Page 12 of Power Forward

I know Laura’s and my divorce was for the best, but it’s fucking tough being a single parent. I’m fortunate I don’t have the financial pressures other parents do, allowing me to pay for a housekeeper and a chef to prepare meals for me so I only have to think about feeding the kids when my mom hasn’t fed them already, but it’s a constant juggling act. During the season, I’m working hard to keep my performance up, ensuring I eat well and rest enough. Being one of the older guys on the team means I have to work that bit harder than the younger guys. It’s being on the road and missing important moments in the kids’ lives. It’s spending quality time with them, both together and alone, and making sure they know they’re loved and supported while also providing structure and discipline.

And while I’m trying my best at doing all of that, it’s remembering who I am too. Not as Jackson Wilde, forward for the Chicago Thunder and alternate captain, or Dad.

It’s remembering I’m also Jackson Wilde, the guy who enjoys cooking and listening to Frank Sinatra and enjoys lazy Sundays in bed with a good thriller.

Because outside of every other hat I wear, I’m not sureIremember who I am anymore.

And it kinda sucks.

We arrive in Boston just before noon. Once my mom left with the kids, I headed to the practice facility for a light workout before our flight, and the moment the plane door closed, it was like the chaos of the morning caught up with me because I was out like a light and slept for most of the two-hour journey.

Now we’re at the hotel, and we have some downtime ahead of tonight’s game. Some of the guys head into their respective rooms, either to take a nap or FaceTime with their partners, but me? I always feel a sense of melancholy whenever I’m in Boston. The last thing I want is to hole up on my own, so I drop my bag, then head toward the elevators.

I haven’t lived in this city for fourteen years, but it still holds a lot of memories for me. I started my career here. I was drafted at eighteen and spent a season on the development team in Providence before being called up to play my first game in the NHL game just shy of my nineteenth birthday.

And it’s where I met Hayden.

I was already in awe of him before I was called up. He started his professional career as an undrafted free agent,and even early on, he was a polarizing figure, making waves from his first game. You could say I was captivated by him before he opened his mouth and introduced himself. It was easy to fall in love with him.

We had three blissful years together until I got traded to Los Angeles and it all fell apart.

“Hey, Jackson?”

I turn at the sound of my name, mentally snapping myself out of the cloud my head disappeared into. Elliot jogs down the hall, having changed into sweats and a hoodie that looks a few sizes too big for him.

“Are you going for a walk?” he asks, stepping into the elevator with me when the doors open.

“Yeah, I am.” Normally, I go for a walk on my own, but something in Elliot’s expression is telling me my goalie needs company. “Did you want to come with?”

“That would be cool, if you don’t mind.” He slumps against the back wall. He’s staring at his Converse, blond hair falling around his face.

We’re silent as we head out onto the street, and I lead us in the direction of Boston Common. It’s only a short walk from the hotel, but it’s always been one of my favorite places to visit. No matter the weather, I always make time to do a lap around the park. It’s beautiful this time of year too. The greenery has started to turn a gorgeous, vibrant mix of deep yellow, red, and orange, making it a sight to behold.

“So, what’s up? Is everything okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. I mean…” He sighs and shakes his head. “Yeah, it’s fine. My brain’s just a little loud at the moment.”

I nod in understanding. “I get that. It makes it hard to nap when your brain’s busy.”

We fall into a comfortable silence again as we pass the bandstand and continue our way around the trail. It’s a mild day, so we make sure to move out of the way of a few runners and dog walkers.

At least five minutes have gone by when Elliot’s question catches me off guard. “Do you ever get lonely on the road?”

I tilt my head toward him. “What do you mean?”

“Like, everyone is pretty much coupled up now, apart from you and Peyton and a couple of the younger guys. But road trips used to be fun. We’d play Ping-Pong or gate-crash Zach’s room to play video games, but now… Now, they don’t wanna play Ping-Pong. They just wanna be in their rooms and speak to their partners.” He shrugs. I can tell he’s trying to appear unbothered, but I can see the underlying hurt. “It can be lonely, I guess. I’m not very good with change.”

I think through my words carefully. I’ve come to learn that Elliot’s a sensitive soul beneath the laughter and bubbly persona. He takes things to heart a lot more than others would, and I can imagine the change in the dynamic with his twin getting married has caused some of this.

“Sometimes,” I admit, because it’s the truth. I’ve only been in two relationships, but there are days where I miss having that someone in my corner, no matter how the game went. “But usually, I’m so focused on the game ahead and trying not to beat myself up for leaving my kids and feeling like a shit dad that I don’t really have the time to think about anything else, you know?”

He stuffs his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie and nods. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“And when I’m not feeling guilty, I’m enjoying the fact Ican get a decent night’s sleep without being woken up by getting kneed in the balls at 4:00 a.m.,” I chuckle.

Elliot lets out a bark of laughter.

“Does this have anything to do with your brother getting married, by any chance?” I ask after a beat.

---