Page 39 of Defensive Zone

“Having to hide it all this time. You said you’ve been in love with me since we were ten, but will you tell me about it? I hate that I didn’t know…” His eyes widen in alarm, and he quickly adds, “Not that I blame you for not telling me, I totally get why you didn’t… I just… I’ve been thinking about whether we could have had this sooner if I knew… I get why you left early in the summer.”

My cock softens instantly. Fuck, this isn’t something I wanted to talk about.

I let out a heavy exhale. “You really wanna know?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“It’s gonna kill the vibe.”

He presses a quick, fleeting kiss against my lips. “I don’t care. I hate the fact I hurt you, even if it was unintentional. I just want to know what it was like for you.”

I shift underneath him, and he moves off me to sit upright. Sitting up, I lean back into the couch cushions and rub my face with my hand before letting out another sigh.

“It was New Year’s Eve, and we had made a blanket fort on the living room floor in front of the TV to watchReturn of the Jedi. When midnight hit, I remember turning to look at you, and your face was lit up from the fireworks they were setting off next door.”

“I remember that night. I thought you were watching the fireworks.”

I shake my head. “No, I was watching you, and I remember thinking,Damn,Carter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

His eyes shimmer with wonderment. “You did?”

“Yeah. I felt this weird pull in my chest at the thought, and I didn’t realize what it was until I was older.” I brush my thumb over his cheek, before tracing the shape of his lips. “It was love, and it never went away.”

He lets out a shaky breath. He has to clear his throat a few times before he speaks again. “Fuck, Zach. I don’t know how you managed all this time.”

“I won’t lie to you, it was hard. I was so afraid of losing you, and I thought you were straight, so I didn’t see the point in telling you, and as for leaving early, yeah. You and Raegan seemed to be getting on really well, and that day I just… snapped. I knew if I carried on the way I was, I was going to end up resenting her, and she didn’t deserve that.”

“I’m really sorry I put you through that.”

I shake my head. “No, don’t do that. Don’t apologize for something you knew nothing about. I’m the one who’s sorry forkeeping it from you. Let’s just make a new pact not to hide anything from each other going forward. If you’re serious about this with me, then we need to tell each other everything. I know I need to be more open with how I’m feeling, and if you don’t want to do something, you’re unsure about it, or you’re not ready, tell me.”

“I will.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “Now, shut up and kiss me, Reid.”

I’m currently on my second day without a headache, and I’m taking that as a major win. I’m still following doctors’ orders and avoiding screens, but it means I’m bored out of my mind. I’m not allowed back in the gym yet, and I can’t play video games or watch TV. I can’t lose hours mindlessly scrolling social media. The most exciting thing to happen was the afternoon Carter found a thousand-piece Star Wars jigsaw puzzle in Target. It kept me busy for most of the day, as having my dominant hand in a cast made things entertaining.

Who said professional hockey players are all about the high life? Give me a puzzle, and I’m a happy soul.

And as much as I love kissing Carter, there’s only so much kissing we can do to fill the hours before our mouths are raw.

I miss the guys, too.

Every time they have come over, I’ve been asleep, and now they’re on the road. Carter said they visited me in the hospital, but I don’t remember. I need to see Elliot and tell him that I’m okay, let him see me with his own eyes. It kills me knowing how upset he was. Other than Carter, he’s one of my best friends. His friendship means a lot to me, and I know he’ll be worried.

Luckily, the team’s trainer, Joe, has lined up my first appointment for when they get back, so I have a few more days until I return to the rink. I won’t be allowed on the ice, but being back around my teammates will help me feel a sense of normality.

Because although I’m an introvert at the best of times and love my own space—my home space—it’s beginning to feel like the walls are closing in.

“Come on,” Carter says as he enters the living room with my boots in hand. “It’s finally dry outside, so we’re getting out of this apartment for a few hours.”

He drops my boots down by my feet, then disappears back into my room, only to return moments later with my winter coat, scarf, and hat.

I raise a questioning brow and chuckle as I eye the knitted accessories curiously. “Is it snowing outside or something?”

“No.” He glares. “But it’s cold, and I don’t want to risk you getting sick.”

My heart squeezes at his words. He’s taken the role of caretaker very seriously, and since our kiss in the shower, his sleepy cuddles have now been accompanied by sleepy kisses.

I’m so happy about it, I could cry.

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