Page 34 of Defensive Zone

“Carter,” I rasp, gripping his hand tight. “Don’t leave me. Please.”

“Never.” His voice cracks. “I’ll never leave you; I promise.”

The warmth in my chest at his promise is the last thing I remember before sleep takes me again.

Chapter Twelve

Carter

Zach was released from the hospital five days later. They operated on his wrist, and since he’s been home, he’s been struggling with migraines. The kind of migraines that have wiped him out for three days so far. I’ve tried to leave him alone so he can get some sleep, only waking him when it was time to take his medication and to make him drink some water to avoid dehydration, but other than that, he’s been asleep.

I’ve taken it upon myself to sleep in his bed every night too, or sometimes I simply lie there with him. Running my fingers through his hair and watching him rest.

And maybe it makes me a creeper, but I love having the chance to reallylookat him. To really appreciate the handsome lines of his face. His sharp jaw that’s now lined with several days’ growth. It’s thick and dark, and I was pleasantly surprised at how soft it was when I ran my fingers over it. His long, dark lashes cast half-moon shadows under his eyes.

And his lips? Damn, how have I never noticed how kissable they are? Soft and pink but framed by his beard, making me imagine how it would feel to kiss him. To feel them graze my skin. His bottom lip is slightly bigger than the top, and my mind’s wandered on how he would react if I sucked on it.

The thought made me hard as a rock, then I felt like an asshole for getting a boner over my best friend, especially when he’s fast asleep and injured.

The last few days have given me a lot of time to think, and for the first time in my life, I’m a little scared. Not scared about being with Zach in a romantic sense—or being with a man in general for the first time—but whether he will reject the idea.

Yeah, he told me he’s in love with me, but if given the chance, would hewantto see where things could go with us?

It’s not like we’ll need to go through the whole getting to know each other phase, but we would be learning to navigate an area that was previously grayed out.

And then there’s sex.

I’ve loved the times I’ve been pegged by the women I’ve dated, but I know I can’t compare that to having sex with a man. There were also the times I’ve watched porn with two guys and a chick. I often thought it was hot if the guys touched each other, but I put it down to being horny, and now I’m wondering… How could I have been so oblivious all this time?

He doesn’t remember the conversation we had when I first arrived here in Chicago. He doesn’t remember when I arrived either, but it’s like his confession has given me a lightbulb moment, placing all the pieces that have felt scattered for so long together, but I also don’t want to get too ahead of myself.

When it’s time for his meds and mandatory glass of water, I peek my head through the door, and I’m surprised to see him sitting up against the headboard. His hair has come out of hisbun—a bun that I managed to do haphazardly while he was delirious—and the dark strands are sticking up all over the place.

“Hey,” I say quietly and step inside.

The room is dark due to his blackout curtains, but there’s a small, colored night-light that he’s switched on, offering a warm glow that’s not as harsh as his bedside lamp. I’m unable to tear my eyes away from the soft shadows it casts onto his bare chest.

“Hey.” He smiles, rubbing his face. “What time is it?”

“Just after two in the afternoon.” I round his bed and place the tablets into his good hand. He throws them into his mouth before I hand over a glass of water. He finishes it in a few easy gulps and passes the empty glass back. “How’s your head feeling?”

“Okay, I think? Or at least it’s okay for now.”

“That’s good, hopefully it’ll stay that way. It’ll be good if you can have a few hours out of bed.” I walk around to the other side of the bed and climb on to sit next to him. He shuffles down and rests his head against my shoulder, and I instantly wrap my arm around him, kissing the top of his head.

“Dude, you need a shower.” I grimace.

He snickers. “I know. I smell so bad.”

“Why don’t you take one while your head isn’t hurting? It might help.”

“I don’t know if I can stand up for that long without getting dizzy.”

“I’ll help?”

He tilts his head up to face me. “Really?”

“Yeah, of course I will.” I flick his nipple. “I’ll do anything for you, you know that.”

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