Page 25 of Defensive Zone

Alarm bells start blaring in my mind as he shrugs his huge shoulders and steps aside without a word. What the hell is going on right now?

Tugging my luggage behind me, I head into his apartment, kicking off my shoes and leaving my bags by the door. He disappears for a minute, then reappears, pulling a T-shirt on. Him being shirtless around me has never been a problem, and the simple act of him putting a shirt on now has my palms sweating with anxiety.

“Want a drink?” he asks, opening the fridge.

I open my mouth, brows furrowed in confusion. Since when does he ask me that? His apartment is like my second home. We don’t bother with pleasantries because what’s mine is his and vice versa. We make ourselves at home.

My heart rate kicks up a notch. I need to tell him how I feel, how it feels like we’re drifting apart. The longer I leave it, the longer it’s going to play on my mind, and I can’t carry on like this.

“Zach, what’s going on right now?”

His eyes widen slightly, clearly not expecting me to ask that. “What do you mean?”

“You leaving early during the summer. The bailing out of our video calls. The inconsistent texts, the constant excuses whenever I want to speak to you. Tell me if I’m taking this the wrong way, but it feels a hell of a lot like you’re avoiding me, and I don’t know what the fuck I’ve done wrong.”

I’m now trembling with nerves and anger. The back of my eyes burns with tears as I watch his face morph through various emotions.

Guilt.

Regret.

Sadness.

He lets out a long, heavy sigh and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re not taking it the wrong way. I haven’t handled this very well at all. I thought it was for the best, but it’s clearly hurting both of us.”

“What was for the best? What could possibly be the reason why you felt like the best course of action was to distance yourself from me?” My voice gets higher the more panicked I become. “Because from where I’m standing, I’ve spent the last six months wondering what the fuck I did to make my best friend not want to speak to me. We had a pact, Zach.Alwaysspeak to each other,alwaysmake time for each other, and you threw that away without any?—”

“It’s because I’m fucking in love with you!” he shouts, cutting me off.

I can’t do anything except stand there, completely startled. I’ve never heard Zach raise his voice in all the time I’ve known him. We’ve never fought. Even when career pressure is bad or we disagree on something, we’ve never argued.

Zach is the calmness in the eye of the storm that is me.

He rubs his face with his hand and lets out a defeated sigh.

My brows furrow in confusion. “Yeah, so? I love you too.”

His expression turns pained, and that’s when it clicks.

He’s in love with me. As inin lovewith me. Not thefriendkind of love orbrolove.

Lovelove.

“I… uh…”

I don’t know what to say. I’m at a complete loss for words. It’s been me and him for so long—more than twenty years of being each other’s constant. But now that I think about it—how did I not see it?

Now that it’s staring me in the face, it’s clear as day. Memories flick through my mind like a reel. The way he would always retreat whenever I started dating. The lost look in his eyes whenever I spoke about them. The way he left Denver just days after I told him that I thought Raegan might be the one.

I’m such a fucking idiot.

“Zach…” I trail off, an apology on the tip of my tongue, but he holds up his hand to stop me.

“I don’t need an apology because you have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t know because I didn’t see the point in telling you. It was something I needed to deal with on my own.”

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Blood pulses in my ears as my heart races even more, beating like a wild bird caged in my chest.

Fuck, Carter, say something.

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