Page 15 of Defensive Zone

“It’s been on my mind for quite some time now, and I don’t think we’re each other’s endgame. I don’t want to be the one who stands in the way of you finding happiness, and I don’t think you would want that for me either.”

“No, of course not. I want you to be happy, Raegan, and I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel that way,” I say, genuinely apologetic.

She shakes her head, a small, sad smile playing on his lips. “It’s nothing you’ve done, Carter. Sometimes we meet people, and it’s amazing in that honeymoon phase, but once the newness wears off, it just… doesn’t work, and that’s okay.”

I get what she’s saying. I’m not the same guy she met. It’s as if the day Zach left, he took a part of me with him. I know he went earlier to spend time with the Olsen twins on their birthday, and I don’t blame him when I hadn’t exactly been the most available friend, splitting my attention between him and Raegan and training camp starting again.

I hadn’t experienced heartbreak before, but I’m pretty sure the ache that’s been present in my chest ever since has been from my heart breaking in two when the door closed behind him.

“So, this is it?”

“Yeah, it is.” She nods, running her palms down the front of her jeans.

I should be sadder about this, right? I should be fighting for her. Telling her to stay and promising we can make it work, but… I can’t. Everything she said was true, and it would be unfair of me to ask her to stay when I’m nowhere near feeling the same level of panic as I did when Zach said he was leaving.

I guess this is just another failed relationship to add to my endless list of failed relationships. At least this time, it hasn’t ended with my and Zach’s friendship being thrown in my face as the main cause.

Standing up, I hold my arms out for a hug. She steps into them, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“We can still be friends, right?” I ask.

“Yeah, we can still be friends.” She tilts her head up to me and smiles. “But will you promise me something?”

“Yeah, of course. Anything.”

“Keep an open mind. I think you’re going to find what you’re looking for, but you’ve been looking in the wrong places. Also, I think it’s going to look different from how you’re expecting it to look… So, just… keep an open mind. An open heart.”

Despite being confused by her vagueness, I nod, not wanting to poke at an already sore wound by making her elaborate. “I can do that.”

We say goodbye, and I watch from the window as her car disappears down the road. I hope she meant it when she said we can remain friends. She’s fun and we did have a good time. It would be a shame to fully end our friendship just because I’m shit at being a boyfriend.

Sighing, I sit back down on the couch and watch the rest of the game, counting down the minutes until I can call Zach and hear his voice. There’s only three weeks to go until we head to Chicago for our away game, and we should have at least an hour together between my game ending and him needing to be at the arena for his game that night.

I’ve been clinging onto that hour like a life raft, and it couldn’t come soon enough, especially now.

The Thunder win 4-1, putting an end to Elliot’s shutout stint. It’s going to be a few hours at least until Zach’s free to talk, so Ibusy myself by cooking dinner, scrolling through my phone and watching the recap before firing over a text.

Carter

Great game! That D should’ve gotten a penalty for boarding for that hit. Totally uncalled for. Call me when you’re out!

I take a shower and make myself dinner, and by the time I make it back onto the couch, nearly two hours have passed. I purposely left my phone down here so I couldn’t keep sneaking glimpses. My chest suddenly tightens when I see the message was read thirty minutes ago and there’s no reply.

It’s okay, don’t overthink it.

He’s probably still in press. They don’t always know if Colleen is going to pick them to do post-game press. But what if he isn’t doing press and he’s out celebrating the win at Gino’s, the local sports bar where they hang out? It hadn’t stopped him from calling me before, but after the last three games, he hasn’t answered. He just sent a text saying he was busy, and he would call me the following morning, but even when he did, he didn’t sound likemyZach.

I’m not the kind of guy who overthinks things. I’m usually the kind who goes with the flow, but right now, anxiety is creeping up my throat as panic sets in. I don’t think I can wait until morning to talk to him. I need to talk to him now.

Without a second thought, I hit Call. It rings out and goes straight to voicemail, so I hang up. I chew on my bottom lip as I debate what to do. Do I call him again? But what if he is in press and I’m going to look needy and desperate?

“You’re being irrational, Lockwood,” I murmur to myself. “He’s probably busy.” Tingles rush down my arms and into my hands, my fingers going numb, and I nearly drop my phone when it vibrates in my hand.

Zach

Just at Gino’s. I’ll call you tomorrow when I’m back from breakfast with Elliot.

You good?

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