Page 83 of Off Season

His voice sounds weird, so I head back out into the kitchen with my arm still wet. I notice there’s a carton of orange juice on the side, along with the plastic cups I keep here for the kids, but my eyes lock on him. He’s holding a piece of paper, his brows are furrowed in confusion.

Oh. Shit.

“What’s this?” he asks, his voice cracking slightly.

He’s holding the “Thank you” letter I received this morning from the charity I donate every one of his repayments to. I don’t know why I haven’t told him this before, and with the panicked look on his face, I realize I should have.

“What is this, Ethan? It has my name on it. It says I’ve paid over three thousand dollars to this charity.”

His words come out in a rush, and I go over to stand next to him. I place my hands on his shoulders, angling his body to face me.

“When I lent you the money, I didn’t want you to pay me back, but I knew you wouldn’t take it otherwise. I had no hidden agenda—I just didn’t want to see you and Alex struggle anymore. It was something I could easily fix, and I was an outsider for you, so it was fine. I mean, if Blaine had offered the money, it would have become complicated if something happened between him and Alex. I donated all the money you repaid me to a charity that funds research and cares for those diagnosed with leukemia, in honor of your grandma.”

His eyes turn glassy with unshed tears, his chest starting to tremble with his ragged breaths. The letter in his hand begins to shake.

Shit.

Please don’t be mad at me,I want to beg.

“I’m sorry if that was out of line. I didn't mean to?—”

Jacob drops the letter back on the counter, then reaches up to take my face in both hands and presses his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. I wrap my arms around him, bringing him close and holding him as I feel his tears hitting my cheeks.

I don’t know how long we stand like that. Peppering of gentle kisses, just a silent communication of love and gratitude. When Jacob pulls away and rests his forehead against my chest, his body shudders slightly as he quietly sobs.

Quickly glancing over my shoulder to make sure the kids are okay, I place my fingers beneath his chin, I gently lift his head. Those blue eyes are shining like the ocean.

“I hope you’re not angry at me or think I’ve overstepped, but I don’t regret doing it. I know how much you wish you could’ve done more for your grandma, so this wasmy way of honoring her and the wonderful job she did—they did—raising you and Alex.”

He shakes his head a few times, wiping his eyes. He gives me a wobbly smile as he croaks, “Thank you.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No.” He laughs softly. “Of course not. How could I be mad, Ethan?” He places his hand on my chest, smoothing his palm over my heart. “It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

I raise my hand, brushing his hair off his forehead before cupping his cheek.

“I don’t want you to pay me back, J. I don’t care about that at all. I want to be with you. What’s mine is yours. I just want you to be happy, and hopefully your happiness will include me.” I give him a lopsided grin.

His choked laughter is like music to my ears. I can’t help but grin wider.

“I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“No.” I shake my head. “Your feelings were completely valid, J. I was an asshole?—”

“Bad word!” Isabela interrupts from where she sits on the couch.

Jacob smothers his laughter with his hand as I grimace.

“Sorry, kid,” I say over my shoulder before focusing on Jacob again.

“I was an idiot, and I let my negative thoughts win. I’m sorry for shutting you out when all I wanted to do was let you in. I’m so fucking sorry.” This last bit is more of a whisper in case Isabela is still paying attention, which I’m pretty sure she is.

“Ethan, I need you to remember I’m not them. I’m notyour father or Ian. I’m not going to demand you give me all your time or make you choose between me and your career. I want to be therewithyou. I want to be there when you come back from your games so you can tell me about your day and I can tell you about mine.” He pats my chest once. “I want to be your partner. I want to support you in every way, just as much as I want you to rely on me, but you have to let me in. We have to be in this together.”

Leaning down, I take his lips in a gentle kiss, telling him without words how fucking incredible he is, how much he means to me, and how much I want to be his.

How much I wantus.

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