Page 78 of Off Season

I swallow the lump in my throat. He’s saying all the right things, pulling at my heart strings in ways he doesn’t even know, but I need to be sure he’s serious, and that isn’t going to happen overnight.

“I want to be better, J. I don’t want my past to control me any more. Can we just take it day by day?” he asks. “Let me prove to you that I’m not going to run from this. From us. I want to be with you, and I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to believe me. You’re not a stepping stone to me.”

I sigh, smiling softly. “Okay.”

His returning smile causes my breath to catch. Oh, how I’ve missed those fucking dimples.

“Would you like to do something this afternoon? Like an impromptu date?”

My eyebrows raise in surprise. “What do you have in mind?”

“Maybe the zoo?”

My resolve falters a bit, and I answer, “I’ll go get ready.”

An hour later, we’re standing in front of the lion’s den at Lincoln Park Zoo. Ethan has his hand on my lower back as we watch two male lions basking in the sunshine on a rock. One is grooming the other lovingly while the other sleeps.

Ethan’s words keep running through my mind in a loop. I want to believe that he is serious, that he won’t run at the first sign of struggle, or during our first fight, but I know how long he’s allowed his fear to control him.

And I’m not naive enough to think that it would simply disappear.

I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to fall so madly, deeply in love only to find out it was mostly one-sided. Only for him to hurt me somehow.

And while I know it wouldn’t be intentional, it would destroy me, nonetheless.

“I told the guys about my dad and Ian the other day,” Ethan announces.

I turn to face him, shocked. “How did that go?”

He laughs quietly under his breath, slightly shaking hishead. “They were great. Supportive as ever. It made me feel like a fucking asshole for being so closed off for so long.”

I know how difficult it has been for him. This means something.

Maybe he does want to change.

“I’m proud of you.”

He looks down. Behind his glasses, there’s a slight bashful glint in his eyes. His lips part as if to speak, but he remains silent.

“I mean it. I know how hard it must have been to open up to them, but they love you. They want the best for you and to support you in any way they can.” I place my hand on his bicep, squeezing the firm muscle gently. Oh, I missed his arms. “It’ll take time to unlearn all your coping mechanisms, but it’ll be worth it, I promise.”

As we continue to make our way around the zoo path, he tells me all about what happened with the guys. I find my hand gravitating toward his, my heart slowly filling with joy as he speaks. Slipping my hand into his, I lace our fingers together. He stops in his tracks and looks down at our joined hands before looking back up at me.

I give him a reassuring smile.

I know in my heart he’s genuine; I’m just being cautious. But I don’t want him to think I don’t care because I do.

A lot.

We make our way past the penguins and stop in front of the polar bears when Ethan announces, “I’ve also spoken to my lawyer about setting up the foundation. You know, getting the ball rolling.”

I gasp, turning to face him. “Ethan, that’s amazing!”

He smiles coyly. “Maybe, but I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Yes, you could. You just needed a little nudge in the right direction. A bit of self-belief. I know it’s a cliché, but you can do anything you set your mind to, E.”

He wraps his arm around my waist, bringing me close to his side, and I can’t help it. I lean into him, loving the feel of his body against mine. The woody scent of his aftershave.

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