Page 50 of Off Season

But it feels like more thanjustsexbecause there’s emotion behind it. Or maybe my brain is romanticizing it because we’re essentially having a time-restricted friends-with-benefits arrangement.

Except I have feelings.

Feelings that are growing every day we’re together.

Alex’s jaw drops. His eyes widen comically before his face lights up with a giant grin. “Stop, really?”

I nod, sitting back down on the bed and leaning back against the pillows. “It’s only while we’re here, then it ends when we go back to Chicago.”

His brows knit in concern. “And you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, I am. I mean, would I like to see where things go when we get home? Of course I would, but he’s got things he needs to focus on, and call me crazy, but even having this…whatever it is, has been one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.”

It’s the most exciting my life has been in a very long time. I used to be a social butterfly before my grandparents passed away, but I’ve been too busy with the bakery.

Plus, no one from that time cared enough to stick around anyway.

“As long as you’re sure. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I won’t. I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I wasn’t sure.”

Alex hums, clearly not believing me, but thankfully he doesn’t call me out on it.

“Can I ask you something?” I ask.

“Anything, always.”

Since I bared my soul the other day to Ethan, his words have been playing through my mind. I’ve been trying to be strong for Alex all these years, when maybe I didn’t need to.

“Do you ever think about mom and dad?”

Alex freezes. His mouth opens and closes twice before he swallows hard.

“All the time,” he says, his voice sad. “I sometimes feel like shit because my memories are patchy, and then I get mad at myself for not being able to remember them as clearly as I should.”

“You were so young, Alex; it’s normal not to remember everything. Please don’t be mad at yourself for that.”

“I know, but I should remember. They were our parents, you know? I wish I had memories other than the stories I’ve been told or the photographs.”

My heart breaks because I remember a lot. Like the type of cake I’d bake with my mom or my dad getting frustrated with my math teacher because she was giving me complex homework I couldn’t understand. Vacations at the beach and day trips to the zoo. And little details like the exact pizza place my dad would order from every Saturday night or the time he let me beep the horn in his truck and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Thinkingback to when they were here helps me through the harder days.

But Alex was only seven when they passed, and he doesn’t have that.

“I wish there was something I could do.”

He shakes his head and smiles, but it’s a sad smile.

“I told Ethan about them and how some days are harder than others.”

“Jake, why didn’t you ever tell me that?”

I look down at my lap, fiddling with the hem of my shorts. Chewing on the inside of my bottom lip, I take a deep inhale. “I’ve always wanted to be strong for you, and I thought it wouldn’t be fair to share my grief with you. I didn’t want to be a burden when I was supposed to be your support.”

“You will never be a burden to me, Jake. You can share anything with me—literallyanything.I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you, and I could’ve helped you through it. We could’ve done it together and shared the weight of it together.”

Wiping my eyes with the heel of my palm, I give him a shaky smile. “I’m sorry. I'll try to be better.”

“You’re everything to me, Jake.” His voice cracks, his own emotions bubbling. “I’d be lost without you, and I’m always here for you. Whatever you tell me, I’ll never think differently of you. Well, unless you tell me you killed a dog or something, but I love you so much.” He wipes his eyes. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like you can’t come to me.”

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