Page 31 of Off Season

Jacob gives my outstretched hand a quizzical look, then tilts his head. “What?”

“I’ll hold them for you.”

He looks stunned, his eyes searching mine. For what? I don’t know.

But when he places the two books in my hand, his bright smile hits me square in the chest.

“Thank you.”

“A boyfriend would hold his boyfriend’s books, no?”

“Uh…I don’t know. I’ve never had one.”

“Well, I would. I would also buy all the books my boyfriend wanted, so pick whatever you want.”

“Ethan…” he sighs affectionately.

I press my finger to his lips. “Don’t argue with me. You wanted today to be like a date, so this is my rule. You want a book? I’ll buy you the book. You want a hundred books? I’ll buy you every damn one.”

His pupils dilate, darkening under my heated stare. I feel my blood burning as I stamp down the need to take his lips here and now. Quickly dropping my hand, I take a step back to create a safe distance between us.

“So, why romance novels?” I ask, clearing my throat.

He shakes his head, like he’s trying to clear it.

“I just love love.” He shrugs. “I’ve never been in love, and while I desperately want to experience it for myself, I don’t know when or if it’ll happen. Reading romance novels means I’m able to experience thousands of different love stories. I’ve had my heart broken and put together again inso many beautiful ways through words on a page. They’ve given me the chance to learn so much about myself and to escape to another world when reality becomes too much. I know I’m always guaranteed a happily ever after with these books, so they help keep loneliness at bay.”

His words wash over me like a bucket of ice water.

“You’re lonely?”

He laughs, but it lacks any humor. “Ethan, I’m a dreamer. I want the fairytale and a man who will whisk me off my feet, but life decided to put me on a different path. I haven’t had anything to offer anyone recently. I was barely holding my head above water, so I didn’t want to drag someone else down with me.”

“J, what are you talking about? You have a lot to offer.”

He shakes his head and turns away from me.

“I’m serious.” I grab his elbow, turning him to face me again. “You’re kind. Caring. You’re incredibly creative and ambitious, and don’t get me started on how fucking gorgeous you are.”

His teeth dig into his bottom lip as he drops his chin to his chest as he looks at the floor. I press my finger under his chin and lift his head, and that’s when I see it—a glimpse of the loneliness he keeps hidden away.

How often does he do this? Wears his feelings behind a mask and pretend everything is okay.

“It wouldn’t have been fair to bring someone into my life when I was barely surviving. Nobody deserves to be dragged under the dark cloud that was covering me. Until you saved me.”

“And is that why you’re here?” I voice the fear in my head. “Do you feel obligated to do this for me?”

“No, not at all.” He takes a step closer, smoothing his palms up my chest, stopping on the side of my neck. “I’m here because I want to be here, E. You could ask me to go to the other side of the world with you, and I would find a way. Don’t you see it? You can ask me anything, and I’ll say yes. You just have to stop being afraid to ask.”

Chapter Eleven

Ethan

“I have an idea,” Jacob announces as he walks into my room.

I turn my head to face him without a word and continue fixing my cufflinks. Today is the day of the wedding, and it’s safe to say my mood is grim.

Yesterday was amazing, I didn’t want it to end. Roaming around the city, watching Jacob’s expression as he experiences London for the first time. I enjoyed it more than I would like to admit.

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