Page 63 of Trade Deadline

Heat floods my cheeks. I raise my hands to cover them, and my skin is hot to the touch.

I can’t deny it. I really do.

Who wouldn’t want to see this Adonis of a man naked?

“I can’t confirm or deny that accusation.”

“I can honestly say I’ve wanted to see you in only an apron before, so it's only fair.” He winks.

My earlier conversations with Nate and Jacob come flooding back into my mind. It may be too late to keep my defenses up, because if today's act of kindness has proven anything to me, it’s that Blaine isn’t here just to get me in bed.

I think he actuallycaresabout me.

If I was just a meaningless fuck, he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to bring me lunch when he knew I was busy. He wouldn’t have stepped in to help, and he wouldn’t still be sitting here, just holding my hand, after I opened up about my struggles.

“Is there anything else you need me to do?” He asks.

Stop being so damn dreamy!

“No, I couldn’t ask any more from you. I need to get started on some custom orders; I’ve only got two, so it shouldn’t take me long, then I’ll get cleaned up and check on Jacob.”

“I can help clean if you tell me what to do.” He suggests.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. Perhaps I can come over and make you dinner tonight?” He rubs the back of his neck. “Like, if you don’t mind? I don’t want to intrude, especially with Jacob being sick. I just thought maybe—”

“That sounds great.” My heart squeezes at his nervous ramble while I toy with the napkin again. “You know, you’re nothing like I expected you to be.”

“Um…” He chuckles. “Is that a good thing?”

“Yes.” I snort. “I had this impression that you were a cocky and arrogant playboy.” I sigh, feeling awful for even voicing this now that I’m starting to see what I think is the real side of Blaine. “I’m sure you know the image painted of you on the internet isn’t a nice one, but nobody has seen this side of you, have they? This unsure, almost anxious side?”

He lets out an unsteady breath, then shakes his head. “No, only my brother, Ethan, and Zach.” His eyes darting everywhere except on me.

“When I signed my contract with Thunder, I had a lot of growing up to do. I got my heart hurt in college, and figured the best way to get over it was to get with other people. I basked in the attention I was getting, and it worked for a while. Then I tried relationships again…” He trails off, dropping his chin to his chest. “People didn't want to be with me for me. They wanted the status. It made me feel kinda worthless, like if I wasn’t in the NHL, they wouldn’t give a shit. I was just a trophy to brag about.”

The vulnerability behind his confession is evident—the crease in his forehead, the perspiration around his hairline. The way he anxiously rips up the cupcake wrapper into small pieces.

“Until I met you. You challenged me to look at things differently. There was something about you that I couldn't get off of my mind. Something that made you special.” He laughs, but it lacks humor. “I sound so fucking cliché.”

When he finally looks at me, that’s when I see it.

Insecurity.

Fear.

“Alex, it fucking terrifies me that I can already see myself handing my heart over to you, and that you have the power to crush it.”

“But I wouldn’t…”

“You don’t know that. You can’t promise me that, and I wouldn't expect you to. I get nervous around you because you scare me. Because of how much I want you, and it’s more than just sexual attraction, which scares me even more. Because the last time I felt even an iota of this, I had my heart torn to shreds.”

There’s a sting in my chest. A dull ache for him and for the younger Blaine, who was thrust into the spotlight while trying to come to terms with his emotions. It’s soon replaced with rage. How could people not see the incredible person he is?

“I’m not gonna pretend I’m a saint because I’m not, but the media control the narrative. Some of what you read is true… There are guys who aren’t loyal, they’ll cheat whenever they can. Some take advantage of the sex readily available to them, using it to feed their egos, but then you’ve also got the guys who are silently pining for their best friend or too afraid to let love in in case it hurts them.”

Another heavy sigh leaves him, his wide shoulders slumping, his upper body folding in on itself.

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