Page 3 of Never Kiss and Tell

Dad’s a mess. Andi’s a mess. I’m a mess, but I can’t fucking show it.

The aching silence that Mom left when she passed only makes it that much more evident that she’s not here anymore.

And it’s all my fault.

These days, the only thing that gets me through are a bottle of eighty-proof and a dull throb in the back of my head, reminding me that, unfortunately, I’m still alive.

Andi wants to lean on me, expecting me to take away her pain. If I could, I would. This should be my burden, and my burden alone, to bear. I caused this.

Instead, I’m sat in a stuffy room, full of mourning people on a humid and rainy July day in New Orleans.

I listen to Mom’s pastor preach about life after losing someone and I can’t catch a word he’s saying. I feel like everyone in the room is staring at me, blaming me for ignoring her calls —for not being the perfect son she always told them I was.

A party took Mom’s life.

A fucking party.

I’d been balls deep in Priscilla when she had called me four different times. Dad couldn’t answer — he was at work. Andi couldn’t answer from her vacation in California to visit Bailey.

Me. I was the one that was supposed to be there.

And I had failed her.

Mom was sick. Cancer’s a terrible thing to live through. Brain cancer? Almost impossible. Caring for her had been a full-time job and I guess I thought I was slick, sneaking out to go party with a bunch of the guys after she’d fallen asleep. She always sleeps through the night. I don’t even like the people I was out with. I. Just. Needed. Out.

Just for a night.

After almost three months with no outside contact, save for Dad and Andi, I felt like I was losing my mind. Seeing shit that wasn’t there, my patience with Mom wearing thin.Fuck . . .My throat closes in as the pastor finishes the final prayer and as soon as he’s done, I escape to the terrace. I grip the railing in front of me, overlooking the busy street beyond. No one notices me struggling to catch my breath as the day turns to evening.

I regain my composure, breathing in and out deeply. The searing pain in my chest dies down to a dull ache. Wiping the sweat from my palm onto my suit pants, I light a cigarette. I quit smoking around Mom, but I had since regained the habit.

I shake my head, the nicotine burning bitterly down the back of my throat, but I still inhale, letting it bandage over my nerves. My hands shake, knowing I skipped out on my usualhalf a bottle before five.

I really need to get myself under control.

The door behind me opens and I turn to snap at Andi to leave me alone for once, but I stop, a sudden heat spreading through my body.

Bailey fucking Carpenter.

I haven’t seen her since she and Andi graduated college, but I still think of those eyes from time to time. Soft, baby blue with a touch of green at the center, staring back at me with a warmth I’m not accustomed to. Now, they’re full of sadness.

Mom always said the eyes are the windows to the soul. Bailey broadcasted her entire heart through hers. Every emotion laid right out for anyone to see.

“Hi,” she mumbles, taking a step toward me and letting the door close behind her. “I know you probably want to be alone, but there’s some really good food in there, if you’re hungry.”

Fuck, could she be any sweeter? The few times I’ve spoken to the girl, I’ve been an ass, yet here she is, trying to get me to eat.

She’s dressed in black, like everyone else, but it doesn’t suit her. Any time I had ever seen her, she’d been in something bright and warm.

“How was the flight?” I ask, unable to think of a better response.

She shrugs. “I hate flying. Luckily, it only takes a couple hours to get down here.”

I toss the end of my cigarette and shove my hands back in my pockets, leaning against the railing and taking her in. I’d never understood why Andi said she was envious of Bailey, untilI saw her. Long blonde hair, innocent blue eyes and the prettiest fucking smile I’ve ever seen. She takes my breath away.

And I fucking hate it.

“Andi holding up?” I ask, rubbing a hand over the back of my neck, hoping to shake the tension from my body. Sharp tingles travel down my spine, like someone stuck me with an electric cattle prod.

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