Page 9 of Escalating Alpha

“But we can circle back to it?” Brian hedged. “Because like, I just want to know what she wants us to do instead.” He cleared his throat and focused on me. “How do you want us to handle issues then? Tell me what to do so it’s easier on you like you always make everything easier on us. I’ll do my best. Emergencies are emergencies, but—I’ll try my best.”

“Before you answer, Sera, I want to answer Brian.” He waited until I nodded. “Yes, but not at that moment. Thank her for being vulnerable, and if it’s just getting it out then it’s getting it out. If it’s like this, then you tell her that you will need to circle back, and can she let you know when she’s ready for it? Or you can when you’ve had a bit to think on it. An hour maybe.”

“So no one gets defensive and pissy in the moment,” I surmised, nodding when John did. I let out a slow breath and met Brian’s gaze.

And had nothing.

Not a goddamn thing. All of my responses were tired and snarky and pissy and… Disappointing.

I was disappointed in myself.

I stood so fast that my chair fell over and I went to flee, but Eva was there before I could. She’d been on the other side of me and just moved that fast.

“Look at me, Seraphine,” she begged. “Look at me, child!” She smiled when I did and moved her hand over my heart. “You are not broken. You arenot broken. You carry too much weight. In here.” She patted my shoulders. “Here. Too much here. You should not be disappointed. We carry too much. Even I had snarky thoughts for you.”

“Yeah?” I checked, letting out a deep, shaky breath when she nodded. “I get so—why do I have to always decide? But then I’mpissed that people didn’t ask me or talk to me. And then I just want everyone to handle more on their own and stop making me do it all. I just—”

“You’re overwhelmed. That’s why you asked for help. You did the right thing and pulled your emergency brake and asked for help,” she praised. “Any other time, that normally simple question wouldn’t have been an issue, but in this moment, it is what stresses you out most. That’s the problem. Not you. Not them. Not trying to be better to each other.”

“I don’t know the answer though, and I have to have an answer. That’s what I hate. Ihave tohave the answer. It’s so much pressure,” I said, ending in a growl.

“That’s when you say you need to circle back, Sera,” John said gently. “That’s whythistool is the one you all need. Your lives are too volatile for the standard tools. Tell Brian you appreciate him caring enough to ask but you need time to think about it because you weren’t ready for him to be receptive. That’s what you really feel. Tell him.”

So I did. It was hard, and I could sense Brian’s disappointment, but he accepted that—they all did.

For now.

It was always fun to have things looming over my head.

Fuck a duck.

3

After taking the day to think about it, I told them all I wanted texts—for either issues or when they wanted to have those vulnerable moments. And I would really and truly do my best not to push anything off and would respond within twenty-four hours and handle it.

Barring emergencies, being out of town—the normal bullshit.

But if the situation or issue was an emergency or one that could blow up, they were to use the siren emoji… Which was hysterical when Axel sent me the siren mermaid one and I was a siren and—I was still laughing at that mix-up. It was the comic relief we needed.

I was less than thrilled when Brian immediately messaged me that he had a vulnerable moment. And he knew he was being pushy with this one, but it wasn’t an emergency, but he would like to discuss it before the car wash… In three hours.

Fuck a duck.

I replied that I was outside about to go for a run with my security but I would make the time if that could work.

Yeah, apparently, that was what he’d been hoping for because he was there not two minutes later and in running attire.

“Part of my disconnect is that I can’t see what you’re experiencing,” he hedged, clearly struggling to say what he was feeling. “I want you to tell me more when what I did screws you over.” He hurried on when anger burned through me. “I know I’ve reacted badly and jumped on you. That’s my fault and—”

“Yup, I’m going to cut in here because I know the answer,” Sander said firmly, even blocking Brian from me so I only saw his smiley face. “You hold it all in until it explodes. Then it’s out of left field for him and he gets defensive and is an asshole about it. You don’t say anything and our tiny man brains assume the storm has passed and we can start fixing things.

“But you’re still getting beaten up by that storm and you don’t want to be accused of nagging or risk him blowing up at you again. That’s the cycle you guys are in. He’s asking for the heads-up as things are happening to know how it’s still fucking with you instead of the snowball.”

I pushed Sander aside and met Brian’s gaze, basically asking if that was what he was trying to say.

Brian sighed and shot Sander a look of death. “Yes, but I’m supposed to be learning how to fucking communicate better and open up to the woman I love, and the first time I really work on this with the right tool, you just jumped all in and answered for me. I know you guys always think you’re helping, but you’re part of the reason the dam has so much duct tape.”

“He’s not wrong and I’ve felt the same,” I cut in, mentally wincing when Sander gave me a hurt look. “ButI appreciate the support and backup. You need to ask. You could have said that you want to tap in because he pushed for this now and I’m stressed about being center stage for this. Hell, I know about the betting pool of how many will be assholes.”

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