Page 76 of Escalating Alpha

“This was my first guess after Maya told me what you said,” I answered, hoping that was what he meant.

He bobbed his head. “You are so much better of a spouse than I have ever been. I cheat. I use my abilities and magic to get the answers. You knew. Of course you knew. You are perfect.” He took another long swig.

“What happened, Dain?” I whispered as I squatted down next to him and moved my hand to the bottle. “Maya said you came from my apartment. Did you—why were…”

I hated that I didn’t have the right way to ask him what I wanted to without sounding like I was accusing him. I was suddenly too angry that I couldn’t help him the way he’d helped me when the situation had been reversed.

“Why are you so upset?” he asked with a frown. “I know I’m a disappointment and you deserve better but—”

“I’m upset that I’m not better at this and what you need to help you,” I interrupted.

He blinked at me like I’d grown another head. “You are sometimes the stupidest most perfect person in the world. I had no idea—youcare. That’s all you need to do to help people. The only person who judges you for not handling situations textbook perfect is you,wife.”

Then his eyes filled with tears and pulled the bottle away to take another drink.

And there were several empty ones around him.

“Why were you at my apartment?” I asked him, deciding that was where to start no matter if I sounded accusatory.

He winced. “I didn’t spy or invite—you called to me. You were in pain, and… I didn’t realize you were still sleeping. I was going to come to you early and ask for a date. You said you wanted me to start asking and my therapist said—I wanted to be handsome to ask you for a date.”

It was cute when he glanced down at himself and snorted.

“I called to you?” I pushed.

He bobbed his head. “You were crying in your sleep again asking whomever not to go. It broke my heart and I tried to wake you.”

“What did I say?” I worried when his pain cut through me.

“That you wanted nothing from me, and you could turn to a different fuck buddy,” he rasped. “That you regret marrying me, and every time I call youwifeit hurts you.”

I opened my mouth but then frowned. I turned his face towards me so he had to look at me. “I don’t think—that’s not how I feel. About you calling me your wife at least.” I nodded when he studied me. “It used to scare me. We’ve been over that.” I waited until he nodded. “Then it felt right. I felt special and loved.”

“And now?” he whispered.

“It makes me feel numb. I feel nothing when you say it,” I admitted, hating the pain on his face. “But I don’t hate it.”

“You regret marrying me,” he pushed.

I sighed and rubbed my neck. “I don’t know, Dain. I don’t know a lot most days. I regret things have spun out and I wish they hadn’t. I wish I knew how to stop us from getting to this place. I regret not telling you how much you hurt me by walking away—I regret not being a good enough wife to reach you. I blame myself for all of this.”

And it was the truth. He was anamazingman. He did dote on me, but because I was so fucking broken, it wasn’t enough—it wasn’t what I needed in my very vast minefield of issues.

“You deserve better than me,” I told him honestly. “I just don’t think we’re the fit that we thought we were. I’m sorry.”

He dropped the bottle and grabbed my hands when I stood. “Please. Please do not leave me, Sera.” He swore under his breath as the tears rolled down his cheeks. “It’s me who is unworthy of you. I’m so full of anger that you could walk away. I’m the broken one. I’m angry at you that you could walk away when I could never because I’m so in love with you.

“I am dying inside more every day to realize I was not the husband I thought I was and missed everything. I amdyingthat you weren’t happy like I thought and you’re trying to walk out the door. You’re going to disappear on me again. I cannot survive losing you again. I don’t know that even our son is enough for me to hang on if—”

I flinched when he burst out laughing. His laugh was unlike any I’d heard from Dain before. It was unsettling and unhinged.

He let go of my hands and sat back on his feet. “I heard it that time. I heard how toxic I am. I heard it. Finally.”

“What?” I asked, confused what just happened.

“My therapist said that no matter my intentions or feelings, my framing is abusive and toxic at times. The way I demand why you won’t let me love you. That’s toxic.”

Yeah, it was and had hurt me a lot.

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