Page 6 of Escalating Alpha

Awesome.

But I’d been annoyed when Brian had asked me if we could start over several days ago. He’d just come to me in the morningand asked if we could start again—wipe the slate clean and try again as wolves.

It had been so fucking dismissive of everything we’d been through—everything he’d done to me that I’d snipped at him. I’d been a bitch. I could fully admit that. I’d basically told him that I was tired of that shtick. I’d already lost count of how many times we’d started over, and I didn’t want to do itagainbecause it got us nowhere.

And that was frustrating when we were tied together forever, so maybe he should try a new line or go look for someone else to start a new relationship with.

Yeah, I’d been a bitch. I would fully admit that.

“What did I do wrong?” I bit out, everyone at the table flinching except Eva and Phobie.

“I said this wasn’t healthy for her,” Eva said, grinding her jaw.

“And if you had been professional and called me first before extending the invitation to others and getting their hopes up, backing Sera into a corner to attend, I would have told you that,” Phobie added.

“I’m confused because I was told you have these kinds of meals and meetings,” John admitted, looking genuinely distressed.

I sighed and gestured around the table. “This is like too many DCFS meetings I was dragged to as a kid. The adults all decided where I fucked up and what to do with me. If the people I was left with could fix me or would bail, and then who would have to deal with me next while the workers from DCFS—this isn’t healthy for me.”

“I’m proud of you for saying that,” Eva praised.

Noah was out of his chair in a flash and picked up John, sitting him in his old seat before most could blink. He took theman’s chair and smiled at me. “You look very nice today. You ready for the car wash thing?”

I chuckled, blowing him a kiss.

“Look, I don’t want you triggered, and I’m certainly not dismissing what you’ve been through, but I understand better what’s going on here already,” John said. “And you’recertainlynot at fault and you’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing. This isn’t pass or fail, and I will never be party to a ‘shit on Sera’ session. Hear me on that, please.”

“You wanted this after I commented that what you told me made you seem like you spoke Sera,” Brian muttered. “Not just that I called you saying I fucked up.”

“Yes, but you said you didn’t think this was healthy for her, just not why.” John noted when I relaxed a little. “He pays attention. For as stupid and busy as we all are, he pays attention.”

That made me get defensive again. “I know that. The problem is he doesn’t fuckinglistena lot or actually believe me at face value. Several people here don’t.”

“Good, I need to know that,” he accepted, writing down something. “So first, let me explain what I was referring to that he said was ‘put into Sera.’ And you’re not going to want to hear it, but I think you need to.” He studied me, clearly waiting for my permission.

“You’re asking to take a shot at me, and I’m not going to just give you my blessing,” I drawled, feeling better when Eva snorted.

Except John chuckled awkwardly and I felt like a bully. My reaction worried him.

“Yeah, go ahead,” I mumbled.

He didn’t say anything and sat back in his chair, studying me in a way I didn’t like. He glanced at Eva. “Did that physically hurt her? Like I know she sees more as a clairvoyant, but—theyfeel too much too, right? Or off objects? Did my discomfort hurt her?”

She glanced between us. “I do not know, but it’s definitely something to look into. There are times she is wounded more than—none of us have had easy lives or childhoods. Well, Brian and the twins did before their parents died.”

He nodded before focusing back on me. “Don’t worry about me at all this meeting. I set this up. I asked to be here. I’m not scared or worried that you’ll hurt me. I’m good.” He waited until I nodded. “What you avoid controls you.”

I studied him a moment, truly considering that. “I’ve heard that about procrastinators. Teachers telling people that if they took all the time they worried about the deadlines or having it on their mental calendar and just got the project or paper done, they would save time in the long run and take off mental stress.”

“It’s like that,” he agreed. “Avoiding tough conversations and your relationships suffer.” He nodded when I flinched. “Avoid risks and your business or job suffers. You know that and are ridiculously successful both at the FBI and your multiple businesses. And the one I want to point out as your clearly winning gold medal is—”

“If you avoid failure or what has hurt you before, you cannot grow,” Phobie finished for him, nodding when he did but focused on me. “You always kept moving, and when you took a hit, the ice under you cracked. That’s what he’s saying. When we stopped and put in the work—”

“I get it. I’m not a complete twit,” I drawled.

“You’re one of the smartest people I know, Sera,” she said with a sigh. “It’shardto think of it all when it’s about us—not take it all personal. I am a therapist, and I struggle when my therapist says stuff like this to me.”

I accepted that was fair and I was a shit, giving her a look that I apologized.

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