Page 38 of Escalating Alpha

He chuckled, realizing he was being silly, scrubbing his hand over his head. “I want to say something, and I don’t want to shit on Brian’s therapist or his trying so hard—getting help.”

“Okay, thanks for the preface,” I hedged, not sure what else to say.

“I don’t like the ‘vulnerable moment’ thing. It irks me. I get how it can work for people, and my guy made me understand it is a useful tool, but I was taking it personally. For you.”

“‘Your guy?’” I was stuck on that one.

He nodded. “Eva hooked me up with a wolf from a pack they’re good allies with.” His eyes were full of worry. “Apparently, she’s planning on having some of her partners speak with him and it’s not a suggestion.”

I nodded. “She made it clear she needed to make some changes when she went home. They can’t accept me. They… It’s complicated.”

“It is, but they haven’t pushed your other sister to make friends. People need to make their own decisions. I think it’s that they’re speaking out against Eva and that’s not okay in a partnership. Especially when they’ve been together so long. I get the feeling it’s more. Maybe—my mind goes to when some humans retire and they cause trouble because they’re lost.”

I nodded. “And you like this therapist? He’s good to you?”

He smiled and gave me a soft kiss. “Yeah. He’s the right fit for me, and I even asked him to speak with Eva because I wanted to be honest where I was and all her insights to help me grow.”

I opened my mouth but then closed it before trying again. “I keep feeling like I should apologize because of all of that, but you don’t seem mad.”

“I’m not. Not at you at least, and I should have heard that. Eva’s right and you self-reflect all of the time and strive to dobetter.” He let out a slow breath and rubbed my arm. “That’s why I don’t like this ‘vulnerable moment’ with you. I realized it was upsetting me.”

“I don’t get that,” I admitted.

“See, even like this,” he sighed, but his eyes were full of love that confused me. “You never yell at us. That tool is for volatile people, Sera. People who are defensive and snap—can’t take accountability. That’s not you. That’sus. You need that tool for us dipshits. I brought it up right away that I didn’t think it was fair to you when you always listen openly with us.”

I felt very seen.

Very,veryseen.

“Thanks, Hagan,” I whispered, letting out a shaky breath. “Really.”

He hugged me tightly before kissing my forehead and leaning away. “My therapist helped me understand a few things that I think you should know. One, it’s not about you for this. Brian and others are used to getting snapped at or told to stuff their shit, so they need it to try and come out of their shells. In that way at least.”

That made sense. I nodded and could accept that.

“Two, he said it was probably getting the framework up, so it was useful toyousince we’re the defensive and dismissive buttheads.” He nodded when I frowned. “How can Brian brush you off if it’s a tool he’s been using and relied on for however long? He can’t. That’s what my guy helped me to understand. It’s probably training us soyouhave the tool to reach us.”

“That seems a bit underhanded,” I hedged.

“Yes, but no,” Hagan agreed with a huff. “He framed it more as wearing the shoe on the other foot and working through the steps so both sides can—are cross-trained. That was how he put it.”

That was fair. “Also, he doesn’t know me, and to him I could really be the problem. I mean… I’m not easy.”

“Ourlivesaren’t easy, but you’re easy on us, Sera.” He snuck another kiss which made me chuckle. “So I don’t like that tool for us. I want another one. I talked to my therapist about it and he said we could invent whatever. I said the only thing—it’s hard for me to feel like I’m adding to your stress and load. It’s why I back off too much and leave things alone.”

“I do the same,” I accepted, fully seeing where he was coming from.

Hagan rubbed my arm again. “So he said to basically check if you have the mental load for a conversation. To tell you that I had something I wanted to discuss, about how long I thought it should take, and ask if you had the mental load for it or when you thought you could. Iwantyour feedback when things are going on. I want us to discuss things, not drop messages and run off.”

I felt the same way, and this was a big step for Hagan who did duck accountability or passed it around. “Okay, so clearly you have one now. How does it work?”

He shrugged. “I do want to talk to you about something. I think it would be a five-minute conversation that shouldn’t be high-stress. Do you have the mental availability today? Maybe on the drive back to the apartments and I could stay there tonight?”

I went to say yes, but my wolf was whining. “We feel like we’re in trouble. She’s anxious.”

“No, not in trouble. It’s a request. Okay, good, so that’s something to add and—yeah, I would hate something bad looming over my head. That’s not helpful.” He gave me another kiss, clearly needing the comfort too. “Nothing bad. I just want to circle back to something.”

I swallowed a sigh. “I’d rather you just tell me now and I can think about it on the run.” I hurried on when he seemed disappointed. “I think this will normally work, but this time now it’s a lead-up and clearly it’s important and we’re already off to the side talking, Hagan.”

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