Page 29 of Princess For All

“I was running a huge ass settlement and then he wanted me locked up safe in the castle like his pretty princess—sorry, I meant fairytale type. That wasn’t a dig.” He waited until I nodded. “And it was too much of a change for me. I couldn’t go back and forth, and he would get upset when I did because it made me sick.

“We could have just crashed in Albuquerque now and again, but he had to be there with his brothers. He would just decide. He was the one deciding. And yeah, I didn’t want to start trouble and I saw the signs. I saw the upset. I saw… I saw it on me too. I saw how fried and all over I was. I’m not stupid. I knew I was barely holding it together. I knew—I know that.”

“I want to believe you, and I believe you believe this and it’s not messed up, but I’m just not seeing it when Ty is one of the coolest cats around,” I muttered. “I’m just not seeing how it plays out.”

“I’ve seen it,” Petre admitted moving in front of us. He nodded and sighed. “Not to the point Chris is explaining or that I understood there was a problem. I swear it, but he was so used to being a shield. He blocked everything from his brothers. He was doing the same to you at times, My Princess. He would keep problems away or make people behave.”

“And it’s not like he was abusive,” Chris hurried to say. “I’m not saying—he just was being the big brother, not apartner. And this isn’t over years. It was weeks and too much going on. I know I didn’t handle it right. I just thought we needed a break and some space and Iblinkedand it was weeks and…”

“No fucking breaks in the fucking apocalypse,” I grumbled.

“Yeah, agreed,” Chris whispered, blinking back tears. “Seriously, my days were just—there’s so much to do. Always one more thing that turns into fourteen before bed. Just a few more to help and handle so there’s less for tomorrow, and there’s never less for tomorrow because there’s so much more added.”

“You need to learn to say no as much as I fucking do,” I muttered. “Seriously, I wasjust sayingthe same damn thing.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely my problem.” He snorted. “One of them.” He stopped and grabbed my arm to halt me but immediately dropped it. “I’m not that guy. Yes, some of what I said was off and you set me straight, but it was more than what you got from Ty. He wasn’t hearing me that it wasn’t just about that night and that one decision.

“That—him saying again and again he would make the same decision—keep making decisions for me was like a wake-up call that things were bad. Or at least not okay. We weren’t okay, and I didn’t want us to be like that. I couldn’t get him to hear me that it wasn’t just about that night and he couldn’t trap me in the castle and take away the life I had.”

“I did hear you say almost that exactly once,” Sisay admitted quietly. “But then I heard you say the kid thing and you sounded like an asshole again.”

“The peanut gallery should shut the fuck up,” I seethed.

“No, that’s actually helpful and lets me know I wasn’t communicating as well as I thought,” Chris said with a huff. He took off walking again and I had to jog several steps to catch up and honestly he was more stomping. “I feel better hearing that I wasn’t saying it right than he didn’t love me enough to hear me. I think.”

“Yeah, that part gets hard and hurts no matter which way it is,” I agreed.

“Right?” Chris chuckled darkly but then got serious. “But I’m a military man too and I don’t explain my feelings well and maybe he didn’t always cut me slack. Yes, I said I didn’t like being stuck in the safe room with the kids, but my point was I wasn’t one of his kids to make that call for—all the calls he was making. I wasn’t a child to make decisions for.”

I nodded as he explained his point a lot better and way more eloquently. The time and perspective clearly having helped him lay out his feelings.

And probably getting to talk to his friends like when I talked with Trisha and the others.

“I have one more main point that I think makes it clear that I’m not the villain here, and I hope you hear me that it’s a problem that I have to defend myself that I’mnota villain and this all blew up this way,” Chris said firmly. He sighed when I winced. “Not you. You got drunk listening to your friend and snapped.

“You were actually—I mean all the passive-aggressive pussies.” He snorted when people frowned. “What, you were. Eating my food in protest? You didn’t tell me to pull my head out of my ass or even try to talk to me like Inez did. You laughed when Ty dumped me saying I deserved it.Thathas caused problems because my people saw my side and now we have issues.”

“Agreed,” I said firmly. “And I’ve yelled at people for the same. They froze out Darius or Jaxon and that doesn’thelp. It isolates them instead of letting them know they have people they canturn to. We all need to feel we can turn to people and discuss these problems. I agree they might not be such big deals, but it’s the apocalypse. Everything is a big fucking deal.”

“Are you taking your own advice?” Chris asked gently.

“I’m trying to. I asked for help and hopefully might have found a shrink to work with before I break again now that I learned about my psycho family and the answers about my past,” I answered, not caring who was around. “And I really want to discuss if my fucked in the head brother and the way he programmed me has anything to do with the men I chose to love.”

“I wouldn’t think so, and we’re all just idiots,” Chris… Comforted? He sighed and scrubbed his hand over his head again. “Ty could have come see me. I didn’t tell him to fuck off or that I was leaving. I said it calmly and clearly that I couldn’t keep fighting and I needed a breather. That the back and forth was killing my stomach and I just wanted to really check on—”

“It sounded like you were picking them over working things out with him,” Sisay argued.

“Because you were on his side and not being fair,” Chris snapped.

“I agree, Sisay,” I muttered. “I wasn’t there, but if I didn’t trust Kristof’s judgment, I would think you had feelings for Ty.” I frowned when Sisay gave me a look that I was slow.

I didn’t think I deserved that. Sisay sounded like he was jealous of their relationship and wanted Ty for himself.

“I will say it’s hard to reach out when the other person walks away,” I told Chris after a few more minutes of walking. “It broke me to do it to Darius and be rebuffed. However, I did it. A couple of times, so I hear you. You’re not really asking for my advice, but you came to me and you’re going to get it because I wished more than anything someone told him this…”

“When you thought there was still a chance?” he finished for me.

I nodded, stopping this time and taking down my hair and scratching my scalp before putting it back up. “I was thinking that I would want this still. Something about hearing Cerdic lay so much out when I couldn’t say anything back because of the ghosts really,reallymade me listen. Normally, I’m so worried about what I’m going to say not to hurt them or—”

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