Page 20 of Princess For All

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Vanessa said loudly, her hands raised and moving back from the doorway. “I have no idea why you’re getting so upset, but I apologize.”

“Chill out,” I said to the guards. “She’s about to faint, she’s so damn scared.”

They both bowed to me, the one I knew better responding. “She arrived with Tian, and he was clear to stay in the dining hall. We saw her wandering and walking into the courtyard on the security monitors.”

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa whispered, her eyes a bit too wide. “I figured the main areas near the dining hall were fine. I just was going to stretch my legs while your people set up dinner. I’m really sorry. I didn’t think going outside in the castle was a problem.”

“Thank you for being diligent,” I told the guards. They relaxed and left us. I waved for Vanessa to come back by the door and held it open for her. “Everyone needs permission to enter this courtyard. Even if you have now, it’s not a blanket pass unless you’re my husband or knight, understand?”

“Yes, I am very sorry,” she whispered, her hand shaking a bit as she came out with me.

“I get it. It seems no big deal.” I gestured to the now huge tree in the center. “That is a species of tree that isn’t recorded. It’s not—”

“It’s a tree of life,” she muttered. “I did just get up to stretch my legs and move out of the way, but something about it—I thought I had to be seeing things. It just felt like the mythical tree of life.”

I nodded. “It’s a long and complicated story of how it all came about and even how it happens with covens, but every coven has one. I’m the first new bloodline of princess in—longer than anyone alive knows of I think.” I nodded to the tree again. “I grew that seed with my blood and a lot of power while growing my court with my now husbands.”

The look she gave me at how crazy that sounded was amusing.

“I know how crazy it sounds, but it’s the truth.” I snorted as I rubbed my hand over my neck. “It’s actually one of the least crazy things about my life and how things have played out.”

“Forgive me for saying this, but you sound angry and a bit resentful about that,” she said gently.

“No one likes to feel like a mouse in the maze,” I replied easily. “I have time now to—”

“We all are to a certain point,” she told me, giving me an understanding look. “Normal people feel that moving through what was our social construct, Princess. I felt it going through the obstacle course I did with school, college, and more education. Training as I did. The steps to branch out. It’s all a bit of a mouse in a maze that we all feel at some point in our lives.”

I let out a slow breath. “I know you say that so I don’t feel so alone and not to diminish what I’ve been through, but it’s a bit different when our Goddess picked me to be Her champion. Laid out a map for me to follow. Picked this location for my coven.”

“Yes, that is more complicated, but from what I understand, She hasn’t ever punished you for not listening, right?”

I studied her a moment. “You’re a shrink.”

Her eyes flashed shock. “Yes. You’ve talked to one before.”

I slowly nodded. “Briefly after I woke up without memories. He was condescending and basically accused me of being weak and my amnesia was trauma-induced, but—most people don’t talk about feelings during the apocalypse. Plus, I can feel your worry. And now you’re worried about me.”

“I am,” she agreed. “And I’ll explain, but I hope you answer the question first. I think it will help you in this.”

I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest. “She has. I used to get nauseated when I skipped marks of my quest or had to move past them. She would make me feel physically ill until I did Her will.”

She did a double take. “I’m very sorry. That must have been—I can’t even imagine how terrifying that had to be having that come from your Goddess.”

I rubbed my neck again. “I didn’t know that’s what it was. I thought I was nuts and just always confused.”

“I wonder what was so important that She pushed you that way,” she muttered. “Or maybe She didn’t understand how bad it was given She isn’t like you. Your Goddess might be all-knowing, but we can only understand what we know. No matter my knowledge or insight, I can never truly know your feelings or mind. Even if you tell me.”

That actually made a lot of sense. “She’s backed off when I’ve asked. She gave most of my visions to my husbands.”

“Sounds parental to back off when they realized they went too far,” she muttered. She cleared her throat. “I apologize. It’s hard to take off the hat sometimes.”

“No, that’s actually helpful,” I admitted. “Thank you.” I studied her a moment before looking up and wondering if this was Aether. “What made you call out to me today? I’ve been there many times and you could have grabbed me then.”

She seemed stunned and then she went pale. “I felt nauseous this morning at the—I thought it was my anxiety at the situation getting worse, so I took the risk. Are you saying I was pushed?”

I shrugged. “I told my husband and lover that I wanted to talk with Hope who has trauma counseling experience. That I thought I needed to. And not even two days later, a psychiatrist falls into my day? I asked Aether for help and any sign I’m on the right path.” I chuckled when she seemed flabbergasted. “Yeah, now you know how I feel all of the time.”

“It’s a bit disconcerting but also comforting.” She nodded when I frowned. “I would love whoever is really in charge to care that much. I get you’re Her champion, but you’re the one saving all of us. Yeah, that’s very loving.”

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