Page 4 of A Step Too Close
“Goddamn it, Levi,” she snaps. I smirk at my computer and ignore her, which only pisses her off more. “What kind of fucking game are you playing?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Will you fucking look at me?” she asks. I sigh and sit back in my chair. She deserves an explanation and to feel safe, but I don’t know how to explain that despite the desperate urge to fuck her unconscious every time she gets an attitude or acts like a brat, I would never force her. “Why would you do that?”
“Why not?” I ask. That was a dumbass response. Why not? Because it’s inappropriate.
“You keep me at arm’s length and never let me close to you, but you you'll jerk off in the shower next to me?” she says. “Six fucking months, Levi. I see you every fucking day and I don’t even know your favorite color.”
“Yellow,” I say.
“What?” she asks. “Yellow?”
“It was my daughter’s favorite color,” I say. I am surprised I even mention Melody, but I see rage flash in her eyes and I realize that she doesn’t know.
“What?” she yells at me. “You have a child? Do you even give a shit about me? I know nothing about you. You are grumpy as fuck all the time, and apparently you don’t fucking trust—”
I see the anxiety and I recognize the spiral. I stand and tears roll down her cheeks. “Arden,” I say. “Slow down.”
“Why am I here?” she asks. “Why am I here if you don’t even trust me enough to tell me you have a child? Or are you one of those shit parents who just wants the title of dad?”
I take her face between my hands, and she is fighting back sobs. “She’s dead, Arden,” I say. Arden stops and her eyes go wide.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t…” she starts to apologize.
“Her name was Melody. She would have been fourteen years old, but she died when she was five,” I explain. “I had a wife named Charlotte, and she’s dead, too. I don’t talk about them because it hurts. I was there and I couldn’t save them. I trust you, but I don’t trust that I won’t immediately go to a bar and drink the memory of my wife and daughter being raped and killed in front of me away.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says tearfully. “I didn’t know. I’m so…”
I cut her off by hugging her and her body shakes. Right now, I am realizing that someone has hurt her. This isn’t just heartbreak, this is a memory being triggered. Does Wilder know someone has broken Arden?
“Shhh,” I say. “Breathe. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why…” I hold her face again and wipe away her tears. “I’m not trying to be selfish. I didn’t mean to…”
“Someone has hurt you before,” I say. She is reluctant, but nods. “We all have trauma, pretty girl. We just carry it differently.”
“You were there?” I ask. “You don’t have to answer.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Charlotte’s ex stalked her. He had been silent for a long time. He thought I was out of the country still, so he broke in. I was still healing from the gunshot wound, so I was on pain medicine. By the time I woke up, I was tied up. I watched as he violently raped both of them for… hours. Eventually, he shot them and then himself.”
“That’s awful,” she sniffs. “I’m so sorry.”
“Arden, honey. You are the first person I have made space for in my life since that day. It feels natural to be close to you… to touch you… But I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I don’t do relationships, I do one-night stands and never talk to them again. But you… You are addictive,” he says. “Yes, I moaned. I was doing exactly what you think I was doing. I don’t knowwhy, but I did. I would never hurt you and I’m sorry that I was inappropriate. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m not upset,” she says. “I just… You are a confusing man, Levi. You have no problem touching me, but never too much. I see the way you look at me, but you never let me get close.”
“If I let you get close, I’ll never be able to let you go, Arden. I’m not strong enough to let you go,” I say.
“Do you want me here?”
“Absolutely,” I say. “I think you are brilliant and capable of so much. I enjoy your company, and I’d like to think you enjoy mine.”
“I do,” she says. “Why did you throw that guy’s phone?”
“He was taking pictures of your ass, and it pissed me off,” I say simply. I won’t mention the vile comments he was making. I’ll be too tempted to go find the fucker.
“Oh,” she says. “I don’t know what to say now.”
