Page 28 of Wild, Wild Cowboy

It only took a second before her nails dug into my shoulder and her body shuddered. I let out the breath I’d been holding in a slow exhale and pulled fresh air into my lungs. Then I did it again.

It felt like the first full breath I’d taken in months.

10

HANNAH

Essie:

Did you visit Zack’s Eiffel Tower, Hannah?

James:

Ignore her. But seriously, is everything okay? No one has seen you in an hour. Where are you guys?

Essie:

Don’t ignore me! It’s for SCIENCE. Also, Ted wants to know if you’re staying for dinner.

“You want something to drink?” Zack asked as he tucked his dick back in his jeans. “A glass of water? Beer? Ginger ale? That’s all I’ve got.”

I blinked at him. Zack, aside from a slight flush on his tanned cheeks, looked perfectly respectable, while I had thefeeling I looked wrecked. My legs were still spread wide, my glasses askew, and locks of hair that belonged in my bun hung in my face.

“Um, water?” I suggested.

He smiled, righted my glasses, and reached over my shoulder to the cabinet behind me for a glass. I refused to melt into a bewildered puddle of gooeyness, but it was astruggle. Sex had always been fraught for me, in part because of my determination that itnotbe fraught. I wanted so badly for sex to be easy, and with every new relationship, I had tried so hard to prove that this normal, human experience hadn’t been stolen from me. That I could give and receive pleasure on my own terms.

And I could…to an extent. Sex was enjoyable. But orgasming with another person remained right out of reach. And eventually, my inability to get there tore my relationships apart.

It was different with Zack. I still felt tendrils of fear curling around my limbs like ivy strangling a tree, but somehow the sound of his voice helped me hold on to reality. That I was here, with him, and I was safe.

Not safe enough to let him make me come, but safe enough to get there myself if I was already teetering on the edge.

And that was a freaking miracle.

Zack handed me a glass of water, then filled a second one for himself. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket, side-eyed the message as he gulped his water, then sighed and wiped his mouth. “You hungry? Dad says you should stay for dinner.”

I was hungry, but I hesitated. “Is that okay with you?”

He looked surprised. “Sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because they might think…” I looked down at myself, made a face, and shook my skirt out over my knees.

“That you’re my girlfriend?” he supplied. He hooted with laughter. “Duchess, ain’t nobody going to think that.”

“Because wild cowboys don’t date mousy librarians?” I knew his reputation, after all.

“Because you’re too smart to date a broke-down cowboy like me, and they know it.” He laughed again. “I suppose I should count myself lucky that I’m not a horse. At least they can’t ship me to Canada or Mexico and ground me up for dog food.”

Like Hurricane Red. He didn’t say it, but I knew that’s what he was thinking about. What he wasfeelingabout. This man made everything a joke, but I didn’t believe his act for one second. He had laughed when Will had told him about Hurricane Red, too, but I had seen the anguish in his face for that brief second when he turned away. Hecared.

And I wasn’t going to laugh at his stupid joke.

“That’s not funny,” I said. When his lips parted, I had an awful feeling he was about to laugh again or tell another joke, and I clapped a hand over his stupid smirking mouth. “Say something real, or don’t say anything at all.”

His eyes twitched as I stared him down, and somehow I knew he wasn’t smirking anymore. Slowly I lowered my hand.

“I hate that Hurricane Red did his job, and now it’s going to cost him his life. I hate feeling helpless to stop it. It makes me want to hit something.” He stepped back, crossed his arms over his broad chest, and glared at me. “Is that real enough for you?”

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