Page 9 of Wild, Wild Cowboy

And still, she had wanted me to win our stupid little game.

I wondered about that. The audacity to believe in someone despite all the evidence that she shouldn’t. I shook my head.

“Your body took a beating, Zack,” Dad pressed, misreading my thoughts. “That accident was traumatic. It takes time to recover from something like that.”

I scratched the back of my neck, which was already starting to feel the effects of the afternoon sun. “I always knew the risks, Dad. A broken leg, a fractured spine, some busted ribs…I’ve been hurt before. This ain’t my first rodeo, you know.” My smirk came easy despite the sharp twist in my gut.

Dad kept pretending to study the fence for damage when he was really looking for signs of damage in me. Hale men weren’t known for their ability to handle big emotions real well, and that was an understatement. Kindergarteners were more well-adjusted than a heartbroken Hale. And it didn’t last days or weeks—it could drag on for months oryears. Dad tumbled down a whiskey bottle for over a year after Mom died. When Ben’s mother left Adam, he swore off women for a solid decade until he met James.

Heartache had a way of bringing life to a standstill, in my experience. And if there was one thing I fucking hated, it was standing still.

I didn’t do big feelings. I did big things instead.

Used to, anyway.Used to.

And there was that cliff again.

Needing to move, I squeezed Missy’s belly with my calves, urging her forward. Her body swayed as she ambled along. My hips didn’t quite catch the right rhythm, but I felt slightly less stiff than I had twenty minutes ago. It took a while for my body to warm up these days.

I got to work on a rail that had rotted through. It should have been dealt with months ago, but we didn’t get out to this part of the property often. These pastures had been at rest since Mom passed, which was why it would make the perfect staging area for Hannah’s rodeo.

“I’m thinking we could use this field for parking. Competitors hauling horses in from out of town.” I surveyed the area, then pointed toward the far fence. “And outhouses over there. Close, but not too close.”

“Outhouses?” Dad repeated.

“Yeah. We’re going to need outhouses. Can’t have people hanging out at the ranch all day, drinking beer and water, with nowhere to relieve themselves. And I know you don’t want to invite them all into the big house.”

“Right.” Dad frowned. “I guess I hadn’t considered that.”

“Then it’s a good thing Hannah meandered her way to me,” I said drily. “Despite your best efforts.”

Dad gave me a sheepish grimace. “We all care about you, you know.”

“As I said, this ain’t my first rodeo. Hell, it’s not even my first injury. I’ve been thrown before.”

“You always were a tough one.” Dad was at the fence again, checking my work, and this time he gave it his full attention. “You got hurt, but you got right back on that horse. Nothing keeps you down. You have guts, son. I spent many long nights worried about rodeo breaking your body, but I never once had to worry it would break your spirit.”

I grinned. “You know me, Dad. I’ll always be okay.”

The lie sat lightly on my chest, even as the bracelet on my left wrist felt like a goddamn shackle. It was what they needed from me. Dad, Mom, my brothers. And it was something I was good at giving them. A bright spot when things were tough—and, fuck, things were always tough, weren’t they? There was alwayssomething, waiting there in the shadows, ready to drag you down if you let it. They wouldn’t be able to handle the truth, that sometimes the shadows pulled at me, too.

So I lied.

Get right back on the horse. That was the rule, but it was so much more than that. It was a way of life. Obviously, no one was climbing back into the saddle with a broken bone or a concussion, not without proper medical attention. But the second you healed it was time to try again. Waiting too long gave fear an opportunity, and once it settled in, it was hard to shake.

Over my decade riding broncos in the rodeo, I had broken several bones, bruised every part of my body, and had a couple concussions. But I had always gone right back to the rodeo the second my doctor gave me the go ahead. This time, I couldn’t do that.

For the first time in my life, I couldn’t get back on the horse.

And I was fucking terrified.

4

HANNAH

Ilifted the book to my face and gave it a deep, giddy sniff. E-books were convenient, but there was something about the scent of ink and paper that thrilled my soul.

Today was a book day.

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