Page 74 of Wild, Wild Cowboy

“I’ll drive you. You won’t be late.”

Suddenly, I felt his heat on my back and every muscle in my body tensed in response.

“You’re hurting my feelings, duchess.” His soft laugh gusted against my temple. “Tell me you know this month has been worth a whole lifetime.”

And that laugh…that’s how I knew he wasn’t joking. He was completely serious. “It’s amonth, Zack,” I said crisply.

He turned me by my shoulders to face him. His eyes searched mine. “Don’t give me that bullshit. You know me. I know you. Not just names and facts, but the real things. The things that matter. I know your heart and soul, and you know mine. And I…” His mouth worked like he was trying to find the words. “I love you, Hannah Bell.”

I could barely hear his words over the sudden ringing in my ears. A metallic taste flooded my mouth like I had sucked on a roll of pennies.

I pushed at his chest. “You don’t love me, Zack.” I didn’t recognize my own laugh. It sounded like a panicked hyena. “You just think you do because of all the sex. Orgasms pump your body full of hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. It makes you think you’re feeling something you’re not. That’s all it is. Euphoria. Like being on drugs.”

“I admit there’s a strong possibility I’m addicted to your body.” One corner of his mouth flicked up in amusement. “But that’s not what this is. You think I don’t know the difference between sex and love? No offense, duchess, but I’ve had lots more orgasms than you. Thousands of them, by myself and with others. And not once did an orgasm make me think I was in love.”

My knees were melting. I gripped his forearms because if I didn’t, I would keel over.

“I’m in love with you, Hannah,” he said again, quietly this time. “It’s all right if you need a minute. You don’t have to say it back.”

But he didn’t sound like he believed that it was all right.

Because it wasn’t all right.

Nothing was all right.

Danger, screamed my brain.Danger.

I wrenched from his arms and strode to my closet. Why was I stillnaked? I yanked a skirt from the hanger and pulled it on, nearly falling over as I tried to balance on one leg. But Zack was suddenly there, his hand on my elbow, holding me upright.

He said nothing as I pulled on a blouse and cardigan. He made no move to get dressed himself, as though being naked at a time like this was a perfectly acceptable proposition instead of absolute agony. I pulled in air through my nose, let it outthrough my mouth, and kept repeating that process while I brushed my hair and wrapped it into a bun. His gaze burned on me the whole time.

I clasped my hands together and turned to face him. “This isn’t going to work.”

“Don’t—” He reached for me and when I flinched, he dropped his hands to his sides, clenching them into fists. He swallowed. “You don’t need to decide anything right now. You need to eat something and take a minute. You’ll feel better. You don’t really have to marry me. We’ll just keep doing what we’ve been doing, and it will all work out.”

“No.” I shook my head. “This isn’t going to work. This isn’t what I want. I don’t like…I hate feeling this way. I hate it.” With every word, the panic receded a little more, until I was left with nothing but numbness.

“Are you seriously doing this right now? You’re breaking up with me? I don’t understand.”

I couldn’t seem to stop shaking my head, like if I did it long enough, thoroughly enough, I could shake loose all these terrible thoughts and send them careening into the ether.

“Please don’t do this, Hannah,” he said softly.

“You’ll see that I’m right. It’s just sex, Zack. It’s not love.”

His brows lowered, and this time when he lifted his hand to me, I didn’t move. “Just sex?” He swiped a thumb under my eye. “Then why are you crying, Hannah?”

“I’m not—” My hand went to my cheek and came away damp. I stared at my fingers, confused.

He pressed his lips to my forehead, and his face felt wet, too. “All right. It’s all right. You are loved, Hannah. This love is safe. And if the only way I can prove it to you is to let you go, then all right. I’ll do that.”

I didn’t stop him from pulling away, from getting dressed, from walking out the door.

The tears kept falling.

But I didn’t feel a single one.

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