Page 71 of The First Play

It’s just me, football, and a bunch of awesome guys I’m determined to impress.

CHAPTER 28

SIENNA

Things have been different since Zander got back from camp. He’s been slightly distant, and I can see his eyes light up whenever he gets a text or Snap for any of the college guys he met during training. He had the best time and came home elated… like seriously. Basically, all our conversations for our first few dates after he got back were all about that week. At least the stuff he could tell me. Apparently, there are a bunch of “boys only” secrets that he isn’t allowed to share.

It felt so freaking grade school, but I didn’t want to hassle him about it. The way he talks about that week is so animated and enthusiastic, like this camp has brought him back to life again. He’s pumped and so excited for the new school year to begin. Now, he can’t wait to graduate and get prepped for this next big adventure.

I’m trying to be the supportive girlfriend here, but it’s getting harder and harder.

He had so much fun without me, and I was fucking miserable.

I spent the first two days after he left crying because I wouldn’t be able to text or interact with him for an entire week. I wrote him letters instead, pouring out everything I was feeling, painting out our dreams of world travel and a life together.

But when he got back all pumped and excited, I couldn’t find the courage to give them to him. It suddenly dawned on me that the last thing he’d want is pages of sappy love letters.

Ugh, it made me feel so needy and pathetic.

How have I become this girl?

“And how the hell am I meant to cope if he’s away for an entire year?” I whine to Olivia, who is so over me she’s not even bothering to hide her eye rolls anymore. “He’s going to move on, Liv. He’s going to forget about me, and I’ll be left behind.”

“Yeah, that really sucks.” She doesn’t sound like she means it, and I turn on her with a frown.

“Just say whatever it is you’re trying not to say!” I snap.

“Okay, fine!” She slaps her magazine closed and growls at me. “You’re being pathetic. I get that you’re in love, I do. But you’re seventeen. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you should be focusing on all the cool stuff you’re going to get to do next year. We’re going to be seniors! And yes, you’ll be missing Zander, but if you’re going to be this mopey, weepy girl who doesn’t want to get excited about any of the cool things we’ll be doing, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you anymore!”

I gasp, horrified that she just came out and said that to me.

You just told her to! You practically dared her to be blatantly honest with you!

I blink, fighting off a round of scorching tears and glaring at the wall while I try not to yell at her for being a lousy friend.

“He can’t be your whole world, Sienna.”

“He is my world,” I mumble. “He’s everything.”

“Then you’ve made your world too small,” she mutters. “And might I remind you that you have a bunch of other really cool people in your life who are fun to be with too. You’ve made everything about him. It’s too intense.”

“But I love him.” I turn to her, tears trickling out of my eyes. I don’t bother brushing them away; more will soon follow.

“And that’s great.” Her expression softens. “But you can love other stuff too. There’s room for more than just him. And you should know that better than anyone. You’ve been all over the world.” She flings her arms wide, and I don’t have it in me to try and explain it to her.

She doesn’t get it because she’s grown up in the same house on the same street going to school with the same people she grew up with. She doesn’t know how hard it is to make connections when you’re new. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be untethered all the time.

Zander’s the first person—aside from my parents—who has ever made me feel truly grounded.

I love him.

He’s my person.

My endgame.

I can feel him slipping away from me. And it’s killing me.

Hugging my knees to my chest, I sniff and let the tears fall. Olivia sighs and continues flicking through her magazine, her movements sharp and snappy.

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