Page 51 of The First Play

“Okay.” Her voice is so tiny it’s hard to hear her.

Wincing, I stare at the wall and make myself say, “If there is a next time.”

“Uh-huh.” She swallows.

Running my hand up her back, I guide her to the bed and encourage her to lie down next to me. We spoon until the sun goes down, not saying anything. She draws invisible pictures on my arms while I hold her tight. She fits perfectly within my embrace. Like we were made to be together.

I try to soak in that knowledge. I don’t want our epic first time to be ruined by this stress and worry, but the reality is… we weren’t careful. And there’s a chance we’re going to pay a high price for that.

CHAPTER 19

SIENNA

So, it’s safe to say I would have spent the next month freaking out if I hadn’t gotten home and researched birth control, then stumbled across Plan B One-Step and berated myself for not thinking of it earlier.

A quick trip to the drugstore and one pill later… and I felt like I could breathe again. Although, I still couldn’t shake my worries completely. What if the Plan B didn’t work? What if Iwaspregnant?

I spent the weekend forcing bright smiles for my parents and friends, trying to hide my angst. Olivia kept me distracted most of Saturday by dragging me through the mall at breakneck speed and convincing me to buy clothes I wasn’t even sure I liked. But I’d been in such a daze.

What if I got pregnant?

The thought was horrifying… terrifying… blinding!

It’s made it really hard to interact with Zander. I feel kind of mean for ghosting him. Well, I’m not ghosting him in the sense that if he texts, I’ll reply… but I’ve emotionally cut myself off while this internal freak-out decimates me.

When he calls on Sunday night to check if I’m okay, I can barely talk to him, and he ends up saying goodbye in this morose small voice that makes me feel so bad. But I don’t know what to say to him. I mean, I told him about the Plan B thing at school on Friday, and that obviously made him feel better. He was so relieved. So why wasn’t I?

It’s a total travesty that I should be feeling this way after what we shared together. Sure, it hurt when he first entered me, but the stuff he did with his tongue before that… and after I got over the shock of him first pushing into me, well… it was pretty freaking awesome. And I want to revel in that, not be fighting panic attacks that I’m about to become a mama in my junior year of high school!

I barely sleep on Sunday night and wake up feeling blurry-eyed and incredibly grumpy, until…

I go to the bathroom and find my pajamas bottoms smeared with blood.

“Wait, what?” I gape at my pants, then scramble for some toilet paper and nearly cry with relief when I realize I have my period.

I knew it was due any day now, and I have seriously never been more grateful. Maybe that’s what I’ve been waiting for… without even realizing it. I couldn’t believe in Plan B until I had physical proof that I wasn’t pregnant.

And I’m not!

I’m so happy I actually burst into tears, right there on the toilet.

Jumping into a hot shower, I let them trickle down my cheeks, laughing and crying as the hot water washes my body and restores my faith in the universe.

“Thank you,” I whisper repeatedly as I dry myself off and step into period mode.

I usually hate my period, but I am loving it today.

“Thank you,” I murmur again. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Racing through my morning routine, I end up leaving for school early and catching a ride with my Dad.

“No Zander this morning, huh?” Dad gives me a little side-eye after we reverse out of our driveway.

I shake my head, then mutter, “Not sure it’ll happen as much now that he has to do his weight training in the morning.”

“Why’s that?”

I huff and cross my arms. “Because his parents are stupid.”

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