Page 40 of Two Minutes for Holding

“I didn’t mean that,” Clay said.

“Then what did you mean by it?”

He grew quiet as he sat there, staring ahead. I could tell his mind was going a mile a minute, as mine had been ever since I found out. I focused on breathing while I waited for him to respond. The last thing I needed was to have some sort of panic attack.

“Peyton, I don’t know why I said that. I guess I’m just as shocked as you are, maybe even a little more so. I keep playing the first night we spent together over in my mind, the one time, the only time, I ever slipped inside a woman without a condom, and this happens. My entire world has flipped upside down in a matter of about three minutes.”

“Your world? Are you suggesting mine hasn’t? Hell, it was already bad enough, what with everything that’s gone on in the past few months. Now, with the talk of moving here, or more like Knox forcing us, this was the absolute last thing I needed. So, if you think it’s only your world that has turned upside down because of this, you’re wrong.” I sniffled. “Oh, and just so you know, I didn’t tell you to make you feel you had to be involved.I didn’t tell you to make you feel trapped, either. So, if you don’t want to be involved, even if it is your baby, that is okay. I’d just rather you tell me now.”

“Peyton, that isn’t what I meant,” he said, his voice a little louder this time than before.

“It’s fine, Clay. I think I’m going to go.” I sniffled, getting up off the couch and heading toward the door.

“I’d prefer if we talked this through, Peyton.”

“Why, so you can sit here and regret the time we were together and make me feel as if I was just a mistake?”

“Whoa! First, I never said that our time together was a mistake. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Well, from the moment I told you, the only look on your face was one of sickness and worry. You don’t even know if it’s your baby yet, and without even opening your mouth, you’ve already let me know you aren’t happy about any of this. It’s not a wonder my brother has always been adamant about me not getting involved with players from the team.”

“Peyton, please. I’m shocked, nothing more.”

“Try being me,” I cried. “Think about what it’s been like for me. I’ve taken six tests, all of which shoved those two pink lines in my face each time. I had no one to call. I have no one I can go to. No one knows we’ve been together, aside from the pair of us. I already know if I go to my brother, he’ll just be all high and mighty and say I told you so.”

“Peyton, I never said I would not be here for you. What about your mom and Lorelai.”

I stopped, my eyes falling to the floor.

“They know, don’t they?” he questioned.

I slowly nodded. “Mom figured it out before I told her.”

“Have they told your brother?”

“No, Mom probably thinks it’s Tors. Other than that, she didn’t really say much.”

“Well, if she knows and Lorelai knows, then why did you come to me? Especially when you really don’t know if it’s mine or not.”

“Oh my god, are you seriously standing there and asking me that?” I cried.

“I am.”

I paced back and forth across his living room, anger and hurt building inside of me. “It’s almost like you think I only fucked you to get back at my brother. I came to you for support. If it’s yours, I wanted you there, but only because you want to be, not because you’re being forced to be here.”

“Dammit, Peyton, calm down, would you? I’m entitled to my feelings, just like you are. I’m navigating this as well, and for the love of God, don’t put words in my mouth.”

I stared at him. I could see the anger on his face. He didn’t need to say anything else. I spun around and made my way to the living room door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving. Maybe we can talk another time, when I’ve found the answers I need, or better yet, the answers you need, then we can take it from there,” I said, slipping my shoes on and grabbing my jacket.

“Peyton, I don’t want you to leave.”

“That’s too bad. I’m leaving.”

“Give me a minute then and I’ll take you home,” Clay said, walking to the door, slipping his shoe on. “I don’t want you walking across the city alone at night.”

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