Page 52 of The Oath We Take

Me:The usual kinds of things, I guess.

Atom:Play along, Em. What would make a perfect day? Think about it for a minute. What would you really want?

Whatwouldmake a perfect day for me?

Me:I’m thinking…

I close my laptop and begin to pack up my pens as I think.

A perfect day would be outdoors. It would involve horses and a picnic and a dip in water so clean and pure, it can wash away any stain. Even the ones inside.

I start a list on my phone Notes app.

Maybe the man I was with would take off the hoodie that smelled of him and let me wear it when things got chilly.

An ice bucket, which feels a little bougie. But wouldn’t a crisp champagne on a summer’s afternoon be perfect?

Or beer? A perfect pilsner and cheese. Lots of cheese.

I couldn’t take my horse from the stable on the clubhouse property, though. Too many people would see the two of us leave together. So, it would have to be somewhere people don’t know me.

Atom:I’m waiting…

Me:I’m thinking…

Atom:I’m impatient…

Me:Fine.A sunny day. A horse ride somewhere no one knows me. A picnic blanket. A skinny-dip in the river. Wearing his hoodie when it gets cool in the evening. Ice cold beer, a crisp champagne. Lots of cheese.

My fingers hover over the Send button for a moment before I actually press it.

While I wait for a response, I imagine what it would feel like to do all those things with Atom.

The sunny day could be any day now. Maybe he’d ride the two horses to his place so we could pick them up there. Not Lemmy, because it would be too obvious he was meeting me.

It’s a lot of sneaking around, but I find myself…excited. Maybe it’s the anticipation.

My heart races a little. There’s a thrill that comes with keeping our secret.

But I feel the need to protect it. Even as I consider what it would be like to peel off my clothes and follow him into the water.

Atom:Sounds fucking perfect. Late afternoon stumbles into evening. A fire, maybe. Sleeping out beneath the stars.

Atom:And the cheese is noted.

Atom:Also, don’t know you all that well yet, but if the skinny-dip was meant to give me a boner, it worked.

Me:You’ve known me my whole life!

Atom:Not like this I haven’t. I spent the last five years trying to ignore everything you said and did to try and shake this. I want to know who you are, Ember.

My heart melts a little at his words. He’s right. We know each other, but we don’t. I know he prefers lager over ale, that he’s left-handed, and he loves being outside.

But what drives him now, the things he likes in bed, and what he enjoys doing at night when he’s home alone all escape me.

I rub my fingertips across my lips. I’m not sure how to respond.

Me:I had no idea you could be romantic.

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