Page 38 of The Oath We Take

Her shoulders drop. “I actually feel better knowing you’re looking into it too.”

Wraith tips his head in the direction of the two bikes pulling onto the lot. “Got a patrol started. Old-timers with prospects. First up, Duke and Shane. They know to call you inside if they see anything. They’ll switch in the night to Charmer and Haynes.”

“Good to know there are external eyes.”

It takes a minute for all the goodbyes and for the four of them to leave.

“Can I come back in now?” I say to Ember.

She doesn’t answer, but pushes the door open wide so I can follow her.

12

EMBER

Iwish the girls hadn’t been so helpful before they left. If they hadn’t, there would be dishes for me to rinse and a dishwasher to load and run. Anything that would keep me busy enough that I wouldn’t have to look at, or talk to, Atom.

Instead, it looks as if no one was ever here.

Dawn even did that thing where you karate chop the top of pillows to give them a nice shape.

The only safe bet is to disappear into the bathroom and get ready for bed. Women’s bathrooms are a magical curio to men. They have no idea what we do in there or why it all takes so long.

I’m headed that way until…

“Ember?” Atom says my name quietly. His presence filled the room long before he spoke.

I take a deep breath and think before I turn to face him. I know he’s going to say something that will break my heart again. That in the time since we spoke before my father was here and now, he’s come to a conclusion.

The same one he always comes to.

“What?” I ask, knowing that it’s time for us to move out of the stasis we’re in. Love flows out of me like a sieve, but I haven’t found a single person who wants it.

If he turns me down again, I have to figure out how to finally accept it.

“What if…? I guess what I’m…I mean, I can’t do this,” Atom says.

The words hit me hard in the gut. Maybe harder than the first time when I stood in the field and told him I wanted to be more than his friend. This hurts most because I already knew it would end this way, even though I expected those words. But I guess I allowed the whisper of hope to wrap around me and insulate me from the reality that I’m no one’s first choice.

“I understand,” I say, more bravely than I feel. “I know my father told you to stay tonight, but I want you to go. No point in dragging this out and making it more painful than it needs to be. And there are two men outside.”

He smiles wryly but doesn’t move closer. “There’s a reason I’m better with horses than humans. You didn’t let me finish. I don’t know how to dothisanymore.” He gestures between the two of us. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life mad at you because it’s easier than accepting the alternative.”

“Which is?”

He runs a hand over his jaw. “You were right. You werealwaysright. You’re the only woman I’ve ever seen. I just…I don’t know how to have you and be an Outlaw. I want both, Em. And for some reason, God’s decided that’s just too damn greedy.”

His honesty hits me. I can hear the torment and anguish in his words. But I can’t find it in me to walk to him like I want to. “I don’t know that I can solve that for you. Because if I’m being honest, I’d sell this place and move anywhere in this country with you if you asked me to. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give up for you. My father. Whiskey Fever. All of it. And you don’t feel the same.”

“I don’t deserve the faith you’ve always had in me. But you have me all wrong.” Atom moves toward me, and it feels pivotal. Important.

It’s hard to breathe.

His large hand dwarfs my own when he takes it. “What you said earlier. Wehavebeen on a precipice. And I don’t know why it suddenly feels like the earth’s moving. Like an earthquake with those tectonic plates shifting, leaving me unstable and making it harder to ignore you.”

Everything from my heart to my gut tightens. He’s saying words I want to hear. Words I hope are leading somewhere. But my faith in this man has never been rewarded. There are so many things I want to say, and yet the words don’t find their way out.

“That’s why I kissed you in the stable,” he continues. “That’s why I held you, because Idocare. And the reason I felt the need to race back here on my motorcycle to make sure you were okay is because I’ve always wanted you to be mine to defend. Mine to protect. I feel like time, and my chance to be with you, is slipping through my fingers, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.”

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