Page 110 of The Oath We Take

Dad slumps back in his chair. He doesn’t speak, but he bites down on his lower lip as he nods.

My heart races, and I let my head drop back, looking for inspiration in the angled ceiling of Atom’s home. By my reckoning, my time might soon be up.

“I didn’t keep the horse to win,” he says finally.

“What?” I’m surprised by the statement.

“Lemmy. I didn’t keep him to win. I kept him so you’d stay, so I could keep an eye on you and keep you safe in a way your mom couldn’t. I was worried if you went off with her and that wet leaf of a man she married, that if you got into trouble, they wouldn’t be able to help. I’m sorry. I should have let you go. Celine was always a better wife and mother than I was husband and father.”

It sucks the energy out of my anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugs helplessly, but I see something akin to remorse in his eyes that gives me a flicker of hope.

“I’m over my minute. Please, make it right with Atom. Work with him on a solution to get us through this. And when it’s done, let’s talk about how we fix this between us, so we have a friendship as adults.”

“I still intend to kick Atom’s ass for touching my daughter, but that’ll be as your father. And he’ll take it like a man like he’s supposed to. But I’ll make it right within the club and as his president.”

“Thank you, Dad.”

“Love you, Em.”

“Love you too.”

I fire off a quick message to Atom. I don’t know if he’ll read it before he enters the clubhouse, but it’s important he knows.

Me:Spoke to Dad. He’s going to make it right.

I place my phone down on the kitchen counter. There’s nothing to do but wait.

And waiting is something I’m terrible at.

So, I open my laptop and start making a list of all the things I’m going to have to do to get the bar back on its feet as quickly as possible. I can reopen the bar, first, worry about the kitchen, later.

The plan starts to take shape. I call Jamie, to understand the process of getting the funds and hiring the contractors. My first choice is to work with the original contractors, as they know how everything was done, from the electrics to partition walls.

After a long conversation with the owner of the company, I loosely plan a reopen date in three months. The bands I’d lined up were understanding when I cancelled. Most waived the cancellation fee. Those that did, I rebooked.

I change the wallpaper on my laptop so it says,Ember Up!

The shift from fear and sadness to action is empowering and keeps my mind from wondering what happened at the clubhouse.

When I finally lift my head from my work, it’s early evening, and I’m the kind of bone-tired that comes from a good day’s work. Yawning, I stretch my hands over my head.

My phone vibrates and there’s a brief message.

Atom:I’m okay. It’s gonna be a late night.

Maybe it isn’t the detailed explanation I was hoping for, but it’s enough. I want to be awake when he gets home, so I head to the bedroom and lie down on the bed, tugging Atom’s pillow to me. It smells of him, a comfort.

All I need is a nap for an hour, and then I’ll think about what I need to make for dinner. Something that will be easy to reheat when he walks in. I think about what we promised each other earlier as we made love in the bathtub. The home, the family, the life.

I stroke my hand over my stomach and realize I’m here for Atom’s breeding kink. I’m ready for kids and a stable life, which must include, well, a stable.

Maybe I breed Lemmy with a mare, too, so my kids ride his kids. I feel like there’s a certain kind of perfection to that.

It’s dark when I finally open my eyes, and I’m utterly disoriented. I stretch my whole body out, hands reaching for the headboard, toes pointing towards the wall. My back arches, and a joint somewhere cracks, my shoulder, maybe.

I tap around on the side table for my phone and see I’ve been asleep for four hours.

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