Page 9 of Fear of Intimacy

My past clouded my judgment and made me overreact. But that lady didn’t need to be so touchy—not with anyone—so I didn’t really feel all that bad about how I reacted. It was more embarrassing for me that Trevor witnessed it all go down. Looking back on it from a different angle, even his, I had totally acted like a jealous girlfriend when I was far from one.

Thankfully, I was spared more humiliation when I was seated next to Lydia for the next flight while Trevor sat with Landon. I knew I had to apologize and tried to make an attempt when we got off the plane, but it got so hectic collecting our baggage and making it to the boat in time for its departure that I wasn’t able to.

Feeling someone’s eyes on me, I looked away from the water and met a pair of stunning green eyes. The only eyes that seemed to make the ocean's color pale in comparison.

Trevor was sitting across the boat from me. His big body squished between Lydia and a random stranger. I had to pinch my lips together to stop myself from laughing at the way his body didn’t fit on the little bench, his long legs cramped and almost pushing up to his chest. His six foot three frame barely fit on the already small boat.

An expression passed over his face, but before I could even process what it was, the feel of the boat slowing underneath me jerked my attention elsewhere.

“Once we dock, we will help you get off. Your luggagewill be taken to your rooms separately,” the guide said as he moved around the ferry, giving instructions.

I was itching to get onto land and stretch my legs. According to Australian time, it was only two in the afternoon, even though to us, it felt like eleven at night. We all agreed to try and stay up to beat the jet lag so we could start our actual vacation tomorrow.

I already knew what I was going to do after we checked in. The beach was calling my name, my toes aching to feel the sand and water and the ocean breeze against my skin.

When we docked, I tried to wait patiently to get off, but when this older lady moved like a snail in front of me, I was seconds away from shoving her off myself. I would have done everyone the favor but forced myself to stay back a few steps and let her hobble off.

The moment my feet touched the ground, I let out a sigh. Finally, we made it. Seeing as I was one of the last ones off the boat, I made my way toward my friends, glad we didn’t have to carry our bags to our rooms.

“We’re here!” Josie squealed as we all stood around each other. Bryton let out an unenthusiastic, “Yay,” that had me laughing under my breath. We were happy to be here, but having spent the last day and half traveling we were desperate for some shut-eye.

“How about we all go check in and clean up before meeting to get something to eat? Sound good?” Josie suggested.

There was a chorus of agreements before we all made our way toward what looked like golf carts waiting to take guests up to the hotel. I was tired but the fact that we were now here pushed the exhaustion away.

The ride to the hotel was thankfully short as the carts drove down the paved walkway that led to the hotel. We passed palm trees that extended higher than I could see.Plush green bushes lined the pathway and I swore I saw a chipmunk run in front of us.

In no time, we were all walking through the front doors of the hotel toward the check-in desk. Josie really outdid herself picking a destination for this vacation. The hotel was incredible. Tall ceilings with glass chandeliers. The marble-looking floor was so squeaky clean I swear I could see my reflection in it. A glance out of the huge windows to the side showed the beach. It was literally only a few steps away.

I was so busy staring longingly at the beach that I missed the others walking ahead of me. By the time I made my way over, the front desk lady was handing Lydia our room key. Since Lydia and I were the only two not in a relationship, we were sharing a room. The same went for Trevor and Landon while Josie and Wyatt took their own room and Mila and Bryton got their own as well.

There was no point in spending extra money to get individual rooms when none of us really cared if we shared. Plus, we were all planning on spending the days doing stuff, not hanging out in our rooms.

Somehow, Wyatt managed to get all of our rooms on the same floor, no doubt using his name. From where I stood, I could hear Josie telling him he had to stop doing that. Her not caring if someone was rich or not was one of the reasons I loved her.

Growing up, most of the friends I had were only friends with me because my parents were wealthy or because their parents were friends with mine. They were always in it for something. So when I met Josie freshman year of university, I expected she would be the same.

Which was why I had no problem admitting that I was the biggest bitch to Josie. For the first few weeks, I flat out ignored her, figuring she’d be the same as every other person I met. But Josie, being Josie, proved she was far from one ofthose people who took advantage of someone’s wealth and status. She never once cared about money with me.

I remember one time the two of us went out to dinner with a few other girls I knew. They all sat around waiting for me to pay. It was the first time I ever saw Josie angry. She snapped at the other girls, demanding that they pay for their own meals and not use me as a piggy bank. It was at that moment I knew she was my ride or die.

“Remind me to kiss Wyatt later for this room,” Lydia said as soon as we stepped into our room moments later. I silently agreed. The room was huge. As soon as you walked, there was a living room that could easily fit all eight of us and then some. A kitchenette sat off to the side. To the left of us was a hallway that must have led to the bedrooms. And here I was thinking we’d be sleeping in a room with two queen beds and maybe a mini fridge.

Without another word, Lydia took off to claim her room as I walked over to the two sprawling windows where the view was breathtaking. The ocean was spread out as far as the eye could see, and I could almost hear the waves from here.

Again, the urge to go down and feel the water and sand washed over me. With plenty of time to meet up with the rest of the group, I quickly made my decision.

“I’ll be back!” I yelled down the hallway to Lydia before swiping up the hotel key. My luggage wasn’t even here yet so it wasn’t like I could change anyway.

Heading out to the lobby, I followed the signs that pointed to the beach. The wooden pathway wrapped around the hotel before veering a little until the beach was in sight. I only passed a few people as I went.

The closer I got to the sandy shore, the more the tension in my shoulders eased. Right before reaching the sand, I slipped my flip-flops off and rolled my leggings up to myknees. The soft sand slid between my toes as I slowly waded through it toward the water.

The smell of salt hitting my nose made me smile. The lightest of breezes lifted strands of my hair off my face as I got closer to the surf.

There was something about the beach that I loved. The salty air, the grainy sand that sometimes was hard to walk in, the way it made you feel like you were insignificant to the rest of the world. My parents had a house that sat near the beach and any time I wanted to get away, I would head there and sit on the beach for hours.

Warm water lapped at my ankles as it rolled up onto the shoreline. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, the sound of the waves crashing filling my ears. Exhaling, I pushed away all the stress of the last few days. The conversation with my mother and the stupid gala I was going to be forced to go to when I got back. I pushed aside the fact that I was on vacation with a man I embarrassed myself in front of—not once but twice. The same man who did things to my stomach that confused the hell out of me.

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