Page 48 of Fear of Intimacy

Humiliation washed over me.What the fuck were you thinking, Tasha?!I looked down into my coffee mug, unable to hold Trevor’s gaze. I winced as I remembered pushing my shirt up my legs in an attempt to be sexy.

I was so embarrassed. Of all people, I had to throw myself at Trevor. Trevor—the same person I had finally gotten to a good place with.

“Tasha—” Trevor started to say but the waitress came with our food, interrupting him.

I silently thanked her for her timing. I could feel Trevor staring as I kept my eyes on my food. For some reason, it wasn’t just humiliation that made it hard to look at him. It was the way I felt about him and how those feelings came rushing back to the surface.

Feelings that had been steadily growing the last few days. I wanted to ignore the way my stomach fluttered whenever I was around him. But it was hard to push away when he made sure to keep an eye on me just like he promised. And the way our bodies molded together in an almost perfect way on that dance floor….

While I may have been a bit drunk, I knew I didn’t imagine the way my body heated up at his touch. Hell, just a simple look from him was enough for me to feel tingly all over.

In the light of the day, it was hard to ignore the rush of feelings I was now experiencing. I knew Trevor was being a gentleman by not accepting my advances last night while intoxicated, but it didn’t lessen the sting of the rejection. Especially now that I was 100 percent coherent.

My overthinking self started to spiral. Last night, these feelings, being hungover— it was all too much. So, I did what I did best. I shoved it all down and ignored it. Ignored Trevor.

For the rest of breakfast, I kept my attention on eating or talking to the others. Whenever I noticed Trevor try to start a conversation with me, I would insert myself in another.

I knew it was rude, and I was probably overreacting, but right then, I couldn’t deal with it all. Everything I felt for Trevor was now being drudged back up in full force. All the walls I put up, all the little lies I told myself, were quickly vanishing. I wanted him. Wanted him when I shouldn’t have.

Liking Trevor should have been off-limits. With Josie and Wyatt being engaged, if we were to get together and it endedbadly, it would make the whole friend dynamic weird. Cause who’s to say this would end up as more than just sleeping together? Trevor didn’t seem like the type to want more than that.

On top of that, I had my own issues that he shouldn’t have to deal with. My parents. Trust issues—thanks to past boyfriends that cheated and used me to get close to said parents. Sometimes, I could be too much. Too hard to love.

With the self-deprecating thoughts swirling in my head, I couldn’t help but think it was best I kept my distance from Trevor altogether.

By the timewe boarded the first plane to get home, I was beyond exhausted. Lying around on the beach helped my hangover but didn’t stop my mind from going a million miles a minute. Now that I was fully aware of my feelings for Trevor, it was ten times harder to ignore him.

Probably should have been an adult and just talked to him. Anything other than ignore him. But I tended to dissociate when I became overwhelmed. The rest of the flights back home I either slept or read my book.

When we landed hours later, I was more than ready to get home. I was grateful Josie planned the trip to where we had two days to recover from the time change before heading back to work. I needed sleep and time alone to figure things out. Time to figure out if what I felt was only because we were on vacation or not. If I even wanted to be more than a friend to Trevor.

It was well after two in the morning by the time we got to baggage claim. Thankfully, no one was there since it was solate, and we didn’t have to worry about fans recognizing the guys.

Spotting my bag, I reached to grab it only for a different hand to beat me to it. I knew that tattooed arm.

“Here you go.” Trevor’s voice was thick with fatigue as he placed my heavy bag in front of me. Tilting my head back, I met his gaze. Day old stubble covered his face, my hand itching to reach out and touch it.

“Thanks,” I said softly, our fingers brushing as I grabbed the handle. The way his eyes roamed my face made me want to grab him and kiss him. I almost did until I heard Josie behind me.

“We’re going to head out.” Sending me a tired smile, Josie pulled me into a tight hug. “I’ll text you in the morning.”

“Be careful getting home.” Giving Wyatt a smile of my own, I stepped back, watching the newly engaged couple walk hand in hand toward the doors leading outside.

“Do you want me to take a cab with you?” Trevor asked behind me. As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew I shouldn’t.

“That’s okay.”

“Really, I don’t mind.” Trevor tried again.

I shook my head. I wasn’t sure what I would have done if the two of us were stuck in an Uber together.

“Trevor, you’re exhausted and you live fifteen minutes from my place. Go home and get some sleep.” I could tell he wasn’t happy about what I said, but he took a step back. “I’ll see you later.”

“Tasha, wait.” I hesitated for a second before turning around. Trevor stood there, an unreadable expression on his face as he held out something in a white plastic bag. “Here.”

My curiosity won out as I took the bag from him. Reaching in, I felt something fuzzy, the sight of what it was making my eyes widen. I pulled out a stuffed animal in theform of a green turtle. The same stuffed turtle I was eyeing at the gift store a few days ago.

My throat closed and my eyes pricked with tears. He bought me a stuffed turtle.

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