Page 26 of Fear of Intimacy

I used to plead with my parents to take me to places. Beg for them to take a day off and spend time with me. To come see me do cool tricks in the pool when I went swimming. But every single time,I was told that if I wanted the things I had in my life then they had to work.

Once I turned eleven, my parents stopped taking me on trips altogether. They left me home with nannies and maids. Left for weeks at a time while I stayed home alone. For so long, I was angry at them. Hurt that they left me behind, but I grew to accept it. To accept that we weren’t a real family, no matter how much I wished we were.

After I turned sixteen, my parents had me join them on trips once in a while but only for them to show off that we were a happy little family to their friends or business partners. I’d be stuck sitting at awkward dinners with people I could care less about with my parents glaring at me every few minutes if I so much as chewed too loudly or said something they didn’t like.

So, to be on an actual vacation with friends meant everything to me. To be out doing actual things and not holed up in the hotel.

“We are a little bit away from the shoreline because wehave found that this spot has the most active sea life. With snorkeling, we usually skim the surface of the water but if you are confident enough, you can swim a bit deeper in the water,” Johnno explained.

For the next few minutes, all of us were handed flippers, goggles, and breathing tubes. I had to keep myself in check so I didn’t interrupt the directions being given to us. I just wanted to be in the water.

Clad in a multi-color bikini and my gear, I was set to go. I knew I looked like a dork, but glancing over at the others, I wasn’t the only one. It took a lot of effort not to laugh at Trevor as he struggled to put his goggles on, his face getting squished.

“We are going to fall backward into the water. Trust me, you don’t want to go feet first, it doesn’t feel good.” Johnno chuckled. “Who wants to go first?”

“Tasha does.” A hand on my lower back gently pushed me forward, Trevor smirking down at me. I elbowed him for volunteering me first.

“Gee, thanks,” I mumbled, stumbling toward the guy. It wasn’t easy walking in flippers.

“You got this, T.” Josie grinned at me as I walked past. I may have wanted to get in the water, but I didn’t want to be the first one to embarrass myself.

Standing next to the tour guy, I noticed he was actually cute. He appeared a little bit younger than me, but that was easily overlooked with his attractive Australian accent and the fact that he looked pretty damn good without a shirt on.

“Come to the edge of the boat.” I felt eyes burning my back as the guy put his hands on my waist and helped me to the edge. “The best advice I can give is not to hesitate and just fall back. Best to just get it over with.” He flashed me a kind smile.

The girls gave me a thumbs up as I sat there. Suddenlyfeeling nervous, my eyes darted around until I met Trevor’s. His head tilted to the side as if he could sense I was nervous. He gave me a small nod of encouragement, and for whatever reason, it seemed to ease the tension in my shoulders.

“Here you go.” Johnno reached up and helped me fix my goggles until they were snug. “Don’t want any water to slip in.” Sending him a grateful smile, I took a few deep breaths. “Ready?”

With one last nod, I shimmied back farther.

“Want me to give you a push, or do you want to just fall back?”

“Push, please,” I said after a moment. Just like jumping out of a plane, best to have someone shove you and not overthink it.

I barely got the words out before I was forced backward. I fell into the water so ungracefully, closing my eyes tightly even though I had my goggles on. Kicking my legs rather awkwardly, I pushed to the surface, breathing in a mouthful of air. I hadn’t expected the water to be so cold. It was supposed to be pretty warm but the chill sent a shock through me, my skin breaking out in goosebumps.

“Woo, Tasha!” My eyes snapped open as I looked up at my friends still on the boat. A giant smile formed on my face.

I moved around the water to warm up and get used to the flippers on my feet while the others got ready to get in. It felt weird swimming with things hooked to my feet. I moved around like a little kid trying to swim for the first time. I could tell I was using my arms more than my legs.

“Fuck, it’s cold!” Lydia yelled, causing me to laugh, my head dunking under the water. “Why didn’t anyone say the water was cold?!”

“It’s not that cold, don’t be a baby,” I heard Landon say, shortly followed by an, “Oh shit,” as he, too, got in the water.

“Fucking idiot,” Lydia muttered as she swam by me.Grinning, I moved onto my back to float, enjoying the sun on my skin as it warmed me up. I hadn’t been floating long when I felt the water around me ripple just a little. Before I could open my eyes, I was suddenly up in the air before crashing back into the water with a loud splat.

Paddling to the surface, I took a deep breath, turning my head to glare at none other than Trevor. Trevor, who was grinning ear to ear. Of course the idiot still looked cute with the goggles covering half of his face.

“Why did you do that?!” My voice came out muffled, thanks to the goggles.

“No reason.” He shrugged like he did nothing wrong. The little smirk on his face had me moving before I could think. Surprised at my advancement, Trevor didn’t have time to move as I placed my hands on his head and shoved down hard, forcing his head under the water.

Keeping his head under for another second, I quickly let go and swam backward. That’s what he got. He came back to the surface sputtering while it was my turn to grin. This time when Johnno interrupted, I didn’t mind.

Sticking my tongue out at Trevor, I turned to our guide.

“We will swim a little in that direction.” He pointed ahead of us. “On the way, keep your eyes open for stuff below us. You never know what we will see.”

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