Page 40 of Accidental Love

“Why are you here again?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. It was beyond awkward. I didn’t know how to act around her. I didn’t even know if I had forgiven her just yet.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I heard you were in the accident too. I’m just so glad you are all right.” She sent me a small smile.

“But how did you find me?”

“I asked a few friends. Someone mentioned you were seen with a girl a while back. So I tracked her down and found this address. I was just hoping you would be here.”

I sat there, shocked. Who knew my mother would go through such extremes to find me? A part of me felt violated that she kind of stalked me, but the other was impressed.

“Oh,” was all I managed to say.

“I know every time we see each other we get off on the wrong foot, but I just had to know you were okay. No one really knows where you were, or if you were okay.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just sat there. With my emotions being everywhere these last few days, I didn’t know what to think about her being here and saying she was worried about me.

“I know it isn’t my place to ask…but why aren’t you at the hospital with your fiancé? I just heard he woke up. I thought you would be there with him.”

I perked up at the news of Liam being awake, but my joy died as quick as it came. He probably didn’t even know or cared that I was gone.

“We aren’t together anymore,” I finally said. I didn’t know why I was sharing this with her. She’d been absent for fourteen years and now here she was, wondering about my life.

“But you still want to be,” she stated.

“What?” I looked up at her. How could she even tell that?

“I know I have been absent for a long time, but I know that look. I had that same look once. It was the same look I had right after I left you and after I met your father.” My father? I had never heard anything about him before. Back when I was little, whenever I brought him up she would change the subject. I stared at her to continue. “I met Jacob—that was his name—when I had just turned eighteen and he was twenty-four. He had this ‘bad boy’ vibe that I liked. He smoke, drank, did all kinds of drugs. At the time I thought he was the coolest thing since sliced bread.”

“One day at a party he started to notice me. By that time I was big into partying and messing around with anyone. My parents had passed a few months after my graduation, and I just spiraled. I hung out with the wrong crowd and did things I am not proud of. When he started to notice and talk to me, I soon became enchanted with him. Everything he did I thought was cool. When he asked me out, I immediately said yes. Of course I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I was naive and thought I was in love. Even though Jacob cheated on me multiple times, I kept forgiving him. When we would fight and he’d walk away, I would look after him with that same look you just had.”

“He was my everything, or so I had thought. After a few months of ‘dating’ him I found out I was pregnant. At first I was scared, then happy. Happy that I was going to have a child with the man I was in love with. When I told him, he of course didn’t feel the same way. He wanted nothing to do with me or you. After I told him, that was the last I saw of him. He walked away and never looked back. He was a dead beat anyways. You were only a few months old when I left and came here to the city.”

I stared at her. I didn’t know how she met my father, and after hearing this, I was glad he didn’t stick around. He did not sound like a good father figure.

“The look you had in your eyes just a moment ago? I had that with him, and I have that now with Martin. You love him.”

“I do,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes once more. I felt so weak crying in front of my mother. And I hated that she could read me so easily.

“Then why aren’t you with him?”

“We can’t be together…it’s complicated.”

“Oh, Jenna.” She placed her hands on top of mine. “Every relationship is complicated, but that is what makes it a relationship. If everything was so happy and fine all the time, it wouldn’t be real or even worth fighting for. Liam is a man who goes after what he wants, and I know he wants you. Don’t try to push him away because things are difficult.”

Oh, if only you knew.

“Things always work out for the best. If you were meant to be with Liam, then you will be. Don’t doubt your love for one another.” She squeezed my hands.

I nodded before wiping my tears away. I didn’t know that advice from my mother would be so helpful. Her sitting across from me felt almost natural and nice. Yes she had made some terrible decisions in her life, but if I kept holding onto my anger, it would just keep bringing me down. I needed to accept that it happened and move on. The only way for my wounds to heal was to forgive.

Forgiving wasn’t always easy, and I knew it would take time before I could even try to be close with her, but with a step in that direction, I think I could one day. Maybe one day we could have a semi mother-daughter relationship. In this moment I realized that I needed to start forgiving her. I needed to close old wounds instead of reopening them.

“I’m sorry, but I better go.” She stood up. I got up after her, feeling lighter then I had when I sat down. This was what I needed. I didn’t know what I’d do with Liam, or if there was anything to save, but I couldn’t help but feel less hopeless then I did a few days ago.

“Uh, thank you for coming here. And for telling me about my father,” I said, shifting from one foot to another.

“You are welcome. I hope it helped.”

We headed to the door but before she opened it she turned to me. “I know you aren’t going to forgive me just yet, and I don’t expect you to so soon, but I hope one day you will. I want to prove to you that what I did was wrong and that I am trying to be a part of your life now, even if it is too late.”

“I’m not all the way there forgiving you yet, but I know. One day I will. I just need some more time.”

“I can do that. I’ll be waiting, and if you ever need anything, you can call me.” We awkwardly leaned into one another and hugged. It felt weird but not as bad as before. “I’m glad you are okay and that you were here.”

“Me too.” I sent her a small smile. My mom opened the door and stepped out.

“I love you, Jenna. I hope you know that.” With a final smile, she walked away. As she headed down the stairs, she passed Candy and Sky. I stood there staring after my mother, feeling a weight lifting off my shoulders. Even if everything else in my life was crumbling around my feet, at least I was on my way to forgiving my mother. Maybe things were starting to look up slightly.

“Who was that?” Candy asked as she walked through the open door, Sky right behind her. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah it is,” I said with a small smile as I closed the door.

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