Page 52 of Just a Distraction

Something hitches in her breath. “Well, whatever you’re doing, it feels amazing.” She leans her head back against the sofa and closes her eyes.

We’re quiet for a long while. “Rose, can I ask you something?” After her nod, I continue. “What do you want?” I ask softly. “What do you want your life to look like? You’ve said what you don’t want. You don’t want unfulfilling jobs or bad relationships. You want a better life than what you’ve had so far. But what does that look like, exactly?”

She opens her eyes and lifts a shoulder with a half-smile. “I want to be the best mother I can be for Callum. I want to give him the best life I possibly can. And I want to make a difference in people’s lives. I watched my nephew T.J. deteriorate from kidney failure and die at the age of five, Milo. He was Eden’s son. It happened four years ago, and it was torture. For him and for all of us. So I want to work with other people who have those types of conditions. I have to.”

“I’m sorry about T.J.” I can see it in her warm hazel eyes—the grief, and the desperation that comes from it. “I have no doubt you’ll accomplish those things . . . that you’ll be a powerful force in so many people’s lives. And what about you, personally? What about falling in love? Do you want that?”

She rolls her eyes, yawning again. “Of course I do, Milo. Someday. When I can afford to take the risk.” She sighs quietly,sliding her bottom jaw around like it’s stiff. “I’m tired, and I promised myself I’d be cautious when I’m tired.”

I nod, trying not to let the disappointment weigh down my chest. “Okay. We don’t have to talk about this now.”

She hedges, sighing lightly. “But I do want to say that four months until I leave for North Carolina isn’t nothing.”

I don’t know what she’s getting at, but I nod.

She worries her lip with her teeth. “I mean, maybe we could go out on dates. Casually. Knowing that nothing can happen past September. As long as we both understand that.”

“You want to just . . . plan to break up at that point?”

“I can’t date long distance, Milo. I’m already going to be spread so thin, with school, working at the resort part time, and taking care of Callum.”

“I understand.”

She massages her right temple, moving her jaw back and forth. “Besides, when I met Blaine? We committed to a long-distance relationship before I was scheduled to leave for the nursing program. We had all these plans that we could keep things going between us while I was in North Carolina. Then I got pregnant and . . . well you know how that turned out. Not that I wish for anything different now.” She sighs deeply.

When I can’t think of what to say in response, she continues. “Besides, both my sisters have tried long-distance relationships, and things ended terribly. The child custody issues that go along with that have been a nightmare, too.” Her pause is heavy, nearly palpable, like she’s about to step off into the unknown. “But right now, this summer?” she continues. “Things are different. I have a little more time, and I really like you. I admit it was refreshing seeing how much you didn’t freak out when my son puked all over you. Made me think, wow, I could give this a shot, couldn’t I?”

“If that’s the case, then he can puke on me whenever he wants!”

She cringes, and then I laugh. “I really like you, too.” I’d love to kiss her, but I want to let her take the lead on that.

“So? Want to keep spending time together?” She blinks rapidly. “Taking things as they come. Knowing that in September, we’ll be content with all the good memories we made . . .” She trails off and then shakes her head. “I can’t help but think that maybe Callum needs you this summer as much as I want you.”

My cheeks burn. It’s nice to feel needed and wanted.

She tucks her feet under her so she can sit up and reach out to squeeze my forearm. “I meant that.” She stops and then starts again. “You know I have feelings for you. I can’t make any promises for September, but I think I’m going to enjoy dating you for now.”

“I’m okay with that. There are no expectations, Rose. You don’t have to have everything all figured out.”

She shifts forward, going on her knees as she leans in to kiss my cheek. It’s brief, but my gut floods again with desire, and maybe a little bit of hope.

I can’t help the blip of a wry smile. “Maybe you’ll change your mind about the ‘for now’ part.”

Her bottom jaw slides forward, and she raises her chin. “No. I won’t.”

I look into her eyes.Never say never, I think to myself.

I will respect her wishes. We’ll try dating until September.

That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy not to want more. And that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do all I can to see if we can get to the point where saying goodbye in the fall is impossible for her to do.

I get an Uber home. I’d stay there all night talking with Rose if that made any practical sense, but she’s a mother who needs hersleep, and Callum might still be sick tomorrow, so she’s going to need her strength.

I definitely don’t call any of my brothers to pick me up because I don’t need the scrutiny or teasing that would come if they knew I’d been with Rose.

The next day, Rose doesn’t come into work. I text her to see how Callum’s feeling and she replies he still seems under the weather, so she’s taking the day off. The following day, it’s lunchtime when I get a notification on my phone that I have interoffice mail. I run down to get it. If it’s from Rose, I want to know right away.

It is. And the first few lines make me smile so hard, my lips hurt.

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