Page 50 of Just a Distraction

“You’re a good mom, you know that?” He pauses in trying to help Callum flatten his palm to meet my gaze.

I roll my eyes. “I should be. I’ve seen a lot of mothers in my day. My mom got pregnant with my older sister in high school. My sisters, Eden and Leila, both had babies around the time they graduated. My brother, Grant, even has a kid himself, and he’s not married. So, yeah. Having babies is what we Hawkins do best.” I try to rein in the bitterness in my voice, but I’m sure I fail.

“How many nieces and nephews do you have?”

“Nine. Callum makes ten grandkids for my mom.”

“That’s a nice, big number.”

I laugh. “You’re always so positive about stuff. A lot of people have actually said, ‘Wow! Ever heard of birth control?’”

“Nah. Babies are always a blessing. My mom had six. I’ve always wanted a lot of kids.”

I peel the lid off the can of soup and dump it into a pot on the stove. “I love Callum, and I love being a mom. But I can’t imagine having another one. I have too much to do in this one life and having another child would . . .” I stop. This is probably too much information. The guy only said he wanted lots of kids. “Big families are great. I loved growing up with three siblings. But having a child? It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and I don’t know about having more . . .”

“Being a parent is hard. Knowing it’s hard isn’t going to stop me from becoming a dad. My older brothers have settled down and are starting to have kids. It’s what I want.”

“I think that’s great.” I lift a shoulder. “You have plenty of time for all that.”

“Hey.” He pauses until I stop stirring the soup and turn to look at him. “Do you have regrets?”

“I don’t regret anything I did to bring Callum into my life. But yeah, of course I have regrets about other things. I tried so hard to avoid the whole ‘fertile Hawkins’ thing. That stigma in my family of, this is what you do. You have kids when you’re super young. You don’t go to college. You work entry-level jobs, probably more than one, just to make ends meet. You keep having babies with men who don’t provide, who don’t stick around. Or you leave a solid guy, as was the case with Randall. I’ve seen my mom’s heartache and my siblings’ heartache.” I let out a hot breath and massage the back of my neck.

Milo stands and walks towards me, the slant of his brow telling me he empathizes with me.

“I don’t want that, Milo. And getting caught up in Blaine for a hot minute made me almost become a statistic of that life. I had to give up my nursing school dreams for a while, and I’m not going to do anything to give that up again.” I touch Milo’s shoulder. His very solid, sculpted shoulder. “And please understand that Callum is my world. I love him more than anything. But it’s also been hard.”

I flick a stinging tear off my cheek. Milo steps to me, tugging me in a hug.

“A platonic hug, okay?” he whispers in my ear.

I don’t want it to be platonic, which bothers me. I don’t want to get caught up in another man, another heartache. Still, I sink into the embrace, suddenly feeling stabilized. Safe.

Would it be so bad to date him? Casually? Just until I move in a few months? Randall, my mom’s last husband, had a big, positive impact on me, even though he was only with my mom for less than a year. A man like Milo could do the same for Callum.

The timer on the stove beeps and I pull away. “Callum’s soup is ready.” I brush away another tear, then take the pot off the stove. I pour a small amount into a little bowl then call for Callum.

Milo’s already getting him secured in his highchair. “Can I help him with it?”

“Sure.” I hand him a baby spoon and sink down into a chair at the table. Milo does the same, puts a bib around Callum’s neck, and starts helping him manage the spoon. Callum wolfs down the soup.

“You were hungry, my boy,” Milo observes.

I close my eyes and breathe it in. Milo’s boy. It feels so peaceful.

When Milo starts softly singing Benson Boone songs to my son, my heart flutters again. Is this guy for real? I have to get up and find a washcloth because the more I sit and enjoy this scene, the more it’s going to hurt when Callum and I move to North Carolina.

Just thinking of it hurts. For the first time since I met Milo, I feel the absence of him, that ache that I didn’t want to ever feel again. And he’s not even out of my life yet.

But he will be.

Milo continues to sing absentmindedly while I wipe Callum down with the cloth.

Yes, Milo won’t be in my life past this summer. But would it be a problem to let him have a positive influence on Callum? Milo’s right here. I like him, and he likes me.

Milo takes him to the sofa, reads him a bedtime story, and kisses him on the head. I take him into my room to put him to bed.

Callum falls asleep right away, so I soon join Milo on the couch. Most nights after Callum goes to bed, I read or doom scroll on my phone.

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