Page 41 of Just a Distraction

I love my apartment because it represents freedom. A fresh start.

But the paint is peeling, and it has tile floors that remind me of a 1980s elementary school’s lunchroom floor.

And I’ve called the landlord twice about the dripping bathroom faucet and there’s been no response.

This place? It’s like I’m on a different planet.

How have I lost my head? How have I let this guy get under my skin like this? Some beautiful words, one wildly incredible kiss months ago, some lingering stares from across the room?

I can’t do this. I’m not my mother, sisters, or aunts. And I certainly don’t have the ability to be in a normal, healthy relationship.

I step around the drying spots of mop water on the entryway floor and pop my head around the corner to see the great room of the suite in all its glory. It’s a masculine room with finishes that could make the designer win some big prize on the HGTV channel. I feel like Cinderella.

I leave the suite and head back down the hall to the elevators, the letters burning a hole in my pocket.

Once inside the small bathroom just off the maintenance office, I lock the door, a thrill going through me. My gosh. I feel like I’m back in junior high or something.

My heart’s certainly beating like I am. I like him, okay? He’s the perfect distraction from a very hard few years. A distraction. Nothing more.

Dear Rose,

Thinking about the fact that you used to date Blaine makes me want to break his jawbone and his nose.

My smile is so big, the corners of my mouth burn. I scramble to smooth out the final letter, my smile never dimming as I read his words about inviting me to a writer’s conference in Texas and all the fun stuff we could do. And then:

Doesn’t matter. Because we’d be together and that’s all I care about.

I giggle, then practice some deep breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth. I’ve recently been trying to teach Callum how to breathe when he’s feeling upset, and I smile again at his cute attempts to copy me. So far, it hasn’t really helped, but I’m sure he’ll get the hang of it eventually.

Callum. He’s who I’ll think of anytime I’m tempted to read into these letters from Milo or to daydream about this obviously wealthy and gorgeous man.

There’s a lot to enjoy thinking about—that he thinks such things like my mouth looks like a dewy and lush rosebud. And that he’s a writer.

I wonder what he writes? It’s not hard to believe since he’s got this whole letter writing thingdown.

Still, it’s not like I can say anything about this since he didn’t intend for me to read them.

Another wave of guilt threatens to do me in, and I have a hard time finding the next breath. What have I done? Knowing me, I’m going to act all weird about it the next time I see him. Oh my gosh, I’m probably going to confess my sins right then and there and he’s going to be embarrassed.

I shake my head to clear it. I cannot let this affect anything. Besides, I haven’t gotten a letter from him today. Since he found out the big news that I have a kid, maybe he’s completelychanged his mind about me. I fold the pieces of paper up and stash them in my pocket.

This has gotten slightly out of hand.

Come on, Rose!My mother’s voice floats over my consciousness. I know exactly what she’d say if she knew about my little crush.

Rose, he’s unattainable. Stop daydreaming of things that will never be.

I imagine her kind smile, her sad gaze taking me in.You’re a looker. Always have been. My pretty little rose petal. But men will take advantage of you. They’re going to use you up and spit you out. Happened to your grandmother, to me, to your sisters . . .

It’s time to lock my heart. He may think he likes me, but he doesn’t. He can’t. He and I are too different. He doesn’t know what’s required to raise a child. How much I cannot play games.

I’ve no sooner locked up my heart again when I get a notification that I have a letter in my mailbox.

Chapter 17

Milo

I hover outside of Childcare around five, thinking maybe Rose is off work soon and would come to pick up her child, Callum. I’m talking with Trevor at the front desk and borrowing one of the front desk computers to get a few things done for work. But yeah, mostly I’m hoping I’ll see Rose.

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