Page 73 of Game Face

My mom is just about wrapping up her walk-through of the various steps to mount Otis by the time I step up to them.

“You ready?” she asks.

Alicia glances to me, her eyes buzzing with reservation but also excitement.

“You can do this,” I reassure her.

“Okay,” she says, sucking in a breath and grasping all the places my mom showed her. She pulls herself up as my momgives her an extra boost, not because she isn’t strong enough, but because she’s tiny.

“Oh, wow, it’s high up here,” she says, her voice vibrating.

“He’s got you. This is Otis,” I say, holding my hand against his side. “Otis, tell Alicia you’ve got her.”

He neighs, shaking his head as he knows to do on command. My mom has spent years working with him on small things like stomping his foot, sidestepping, and nodding and shaking his head. He’s great with kids because of it. Turns out, his tricks also work well on freaked out twenty-somethings getting over trauma.

“You ready to ride?” I let go of the walker and lean on Otis for my balance.

“You’re coming with?” Alicia asks.

I nod.

“Yep. We both have you,” I promise.

I click with my tongue and Otis takes a slow step forward, his body swaying like a hippo. Alicia laughs as it swings her from right to left, and I move my left hand to her calf to give her extra support.

“He’s got hips, and he knows how to use them.” I look over my shoulder to give my mom credit for her joke I just stole. She’s been saying that for years.

“Yeah, he does. Oh, my God, Peyton! I’m riding a horse!”

We meander around the arena at a snail’s pace, slower than my usual rides since I’m the one guiding. But this walk is good for me. I’ve tried it a few times with my mom or dad right at my side, ready to dive in and take over if I start to lose my balance. This is the first time I’ve been totally on my own. There’s not much Alicia would be able to do to help me from way up there. And while I’m a little nervous, I’m also liberated. Dare I say, I’m fucking impressed with myself.

“Hey, Alicia?”

She looks down as I slow Otis to a stop. I scratch his neck and hold her gaze for a moment while I search for the right words. And then it hits me.

“Quit racing yourself,” I say.

Her face puzzles briefly. Those words hit different for her. While I tend to aim too high and struggle when I fall short, Alicia is just the opposite. In her race, she won’t get out of her own way.

“You can still fly better than anyone. And it was an accident. Stop racing yourself and get out of your own way.”

She holds my gaze for a few long seconds, then looks up and stares off into the skyline.

“I’ll try, Peyton. I promise you I’ll try.”

And that’s good enough.

Chapter Thirty-One

It was a tough loss. And it may have been the game of my life.

We have two games left, but they’re basically meaningless. Bryce will probably get a lot of time, though—and we’ll still want a bowl bid of some sort—but at this point, it’s about looking toward our future. The extra cash for the school is nice, and it’s a boost for the players going into next year.

Those of us kicking around the draft, though? It’s not worth getting hurt for the Cotton Candy Oreo Cheese Puff Bowl.

I’m anxious to get out of this press conference. I’ve never been a fan of them, but now that I have my mother’s ring in my pocket and a plan in my heart, sitting through questions about whether I’ll be at the combine or not feel empty and pointless.

I won’t announce anything here, that’s for sure. I’ll want to think through the messaging because while I plan to postpone the draft for a year, I’m not pulling myself off the table entirely. I’ll get in some workouts and spend the year bulking up and gaining speed. Maybe I’ll gain some more smarts while I’m at it. I’ve been thinking a lot about grad school. I feel as though my education has been on cruise control, and I regret that. I’dlike to learn something and get good at it, maybe even teach. I still want to run a business one day or maybe take over parts of the Johnson Ranch business that rescues horses for therapy. Honestly, it’s been nice letting my mind wonder at the possibilities. I took football off the table mentally, and it’s made space for so much more.

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