Page 36 of Defiant

“I know,” he said between bites, still standing, “what the others are saying. They’re worried about our attacks harming noncombatants.”

I stayed silent, just chewing.

“The thing is,” he continued, “my gut says we have to strike in the absolutely most efficient way. We’re walking a sword’s edge, Spensa, just barely balancing. We needeveryadvantage we can get.

“If I order the team to focus on anything other than getting the job done, it won’t be only a few lives that are lost—it could mean millions. It could mean Winzik being able to exterminate everyone who disagrees with him. It could mean slavery or annihilation for all those who sided with us.

“In the face of that, is there any room for mercy? I won’t order attacks on civilian targets, but these supply depots…they’re directly aiding the war effort, and weneedto eliminate them.” He stared at his plate, and the bloody mess left from his steak. “That means hurting people who most certainly don’t deserve it. I’ll carry that burden. Someone has to.”

Scud, this was ripping him apart. I could feel it vibrating from his soul to mine. Feeling that anguish made my cytonic senses begin to go out of control again, and the fork vanished from my fingers.

I wrestled back control. This washard.I couldn’t ignore myemotions, what I wanted. I couldn’tjustbe a weapon. At the same time, I needed to find a way to help Jorgen shoulder this weight. Was there a way I could protect him, help him?

One idea stood out.

“Jorgen,” I said, testing whether I should say this or not. “We should be liberators. Not copy what the Krell did to us.”

“I know,” he said. “We’ll have that luxury eventually. Once we’re secure, and know the Superiority isn’t going to flatten us any moment. Once we have the upper hand, we can be more…discerning in our strikes.”

“And the hyperslugs?” I asked.

“What about them?”

“Humanoid workers bear some measure of responsibility for being part of one of those supply depots,” I said. “They know people are being forced into servitude in the nowhere to do the mining. So there’s a rationale for attacking there. But the slugs? They’re just captives. And they’re intelligent, Jorgen. Maybe they don’t think like us, but theydothink. They’re sapient. We can’t just callously destroy enemy ‘inhibitors’ without acknowledging what we’re doing.”

“You sound like FM,” he said, but smiled as he said it. So I guess that was a good thing? “I acknowledge it, Spensa. But have youstudiedthose wars you always talk about? You know most conquerors conscripted heavily from their conquered populations? War has always been packed with people who didn’t want to be there.”

He was right. These were the same justifications I’d used earlier. The slugs weren’t much different than the unfortunate Polish soldiers forced to fight for their oppressors in World War II, back in Old Earth’s history. And scud, Jorgen was absolutely right. When faced with an unfortunate soldier who was trying to kill you, you didn’t have the luxury of wondering if they wanted to do it. They were there firing on you. And, like it or not, those captive slugs were in the exact same spot.

Unless we killed them, we risked letting even more unfortunatepeople—or slugs—end up in the same situation. I felt Jorgen’s anguish over this. It thrummed from him as he stared at his empty plate.

I almost left then, my plan coalescing. But I had to try one more thing. “At least don’t attack the installation that has the Broadsiders on the other side,” I said to him. “That one is fully locked down by my friends.”

He considered it. “Your friends are pirates,” he said. “And former Superiority officers. Correct?”

I nodded.

“Spensa, I know you trust them,” he said, “but I can’t. They need to do what is best for them, and I wouldn’t blame them for doing so. If we destroy all the other installations, but leave that one open, your friends will be able to sell the Superiority stone at a highly,highlyinflated price. No pirate would be able to resist that. I’m sorry. We have to hit that station too. Your friends on the other side will be safe, but this way they also won’t be tempted.”

It was the same argument FM had made earlier. I had been thinking about what she had said, and I’d decided that there was no way Peg would do that—she would never sell me out. But the fact that I had wondered at first was more evidence that I’d never be able to convince the others. There was no way Jorgen would accept it. I could see why, but it was still frustrating.

“Ihaveto make the decision that gives us the best chance of survival,” he said, reading my expression. “What the Superiority has done to the people it forces to fight us is awful, but I have to stop them to prevent more of it in the future. I owe that toourpeople.”

I nodded, though I was coming to a different decision. Therewasa way out of this. I just had to solve the problem for him. My plan began to mature in my head. Risky, but full of possibility. Unfortunately, it involved several elements outside his control.

I knew right then that I couldn’t tell him. Couldn’t involve him. He’d consider ittoorisky. But tonight, while everyone else plannedand prepared, I would have a secret mission of my own. One that, if I was successful, would lead to far less loss of life on both sides. And prevent Jorgen from taking on the burden of those deaths.

I still wasn’t certain I could stop this war from destroying me. But hopefully I could keep it from destroying him too.

12

That night, I left on my secret mission.

I miss having a body,M-Bot thought to me as I snuck—Doomslug on my shoulder—through the corridors of Platform Prime.Even the little drone body was fun. But I really miss my old body. I was a handsome ship, wasn’t I?

“Best I’ve ever seen,” I whispered. “Most wonderful I’ve ever piloted.”

And now it’s scrap. That makes me sad.

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