Page 138 of Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

As real as anyone else. Because she wanted to be.

Right about then,I woke up.

Design was waiting for me, lounging behind the bar, smirking at me in the most unbearable way. Why I ever gave her a face, I’ll never know.

“About time you loosened up a little,” she said.

“Shut up.” I shook off the dozen or so coats that had been hung all over me, then pulled off the hooks and other things she’d attached for the purpose.

I had to blinkpaintout of myeyes. Storming Cryptic.

I kept the crown though. It was a special kind of awful.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Remember that time I got my memories stolen?”

“Yes. It was hilarious.”

“It was humiliating,” I said. “I instituted protection protocols to defend me if something tried to play games with my soul. When we landed here, that machine tried to draw my Investiture. My protocols activated.”

“And turned you into a statue?”

“It…wasn’texactlywhat I’d hoped would happen.”

She smirked at me.Insufferablecreature. Then she waved around with two eager hands. “I started a restaurant!”

“Yes, I was aware for much of it,” I said.

“Sounds awful!”

“You have no idea.”

“Nope! Any desire to stick around until the next pickup in three years?”

“None whatsoever.”

Outside the front window of the shop, Painter and Yumi passed, supporting one another. They looked like the way it felt to spend three years being a coatrack. In other words,terrible. They paused just outside and kissed, but we’ll get to that.

“How are we getting away?” I asked Design.

She disappeared behind the counter, then emerged with a large stack of papers. “I have aplan.”

“Delightful,” I said, finding a handful of individually packaged condiments in my pocket. Who had putthosein there?

“Yup. You imitate one of their astronauts. We steal their ship. It should be able to get us to Iron Seven Waystation.”

“You need all of that?” I asked, pointing at her huge stack of papers. “To explain such a simple plan?”

“What? This isn’t my plan. These are myrecipes.”

“Wonderful.”

“They mostly aren’t. You have no idea how many different combinations of edible ingredients produce something completelyinedible! It’s fun.”

“No it’s not.”

“It’s fun,” she said, “if someone else is tasting them.”

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