Page 92 of The Last One to See Him

Even if Ellis has been acting strangely, Kate would never do anything. This is just a drink, and Rowan would never cross that line.

When he gets back to Kate’s table, Rowan’s eyes dart around the pub, while he only half focuses on what Kate is saying. She understands his anxiety – if anyone were to see them it would be easy for the innocent drink to be misconstrued.

‘So how’s life outside of being a therapist?’ Kate asks, to set him at ease. She doesn’t want this to feel like an extension of one of their therapy sessions, so she will turn the tables and get him talking about himself.

‘My life’s…complicated,’ he says, downing too much beer in one gulp.

‘How so?’ Kate asks. She stares at her gin and tonic, her thirst for it has seeped away.

He clears his throat. ‘You don’t want to hear about my life,’ he says.

Yes I do. In this moment, I want nothing more than to know the man beyond my therapist.She tells him this, and notices the slight flare in his cheeks.

‘Well…my life’s been complicated since… sinceyoucame into it.’

His words sit between them, as solid as stone.

‘I don’t understand,’ Kate says.Is this what I think it is?

He shakes his head. ‘I don’t think I should say any more. I don’t want to detonatethatbomb.’

Kate stares at him, unable to comprehend Rowan’s words. He’s hardly had enough beer to be tipsy, so this isn’t alcohol speaking for him. ‘What exactly are you saying?’ she asks.

‘I’ve already said too much,’ Rowan says, standing and grabbing his coat. ‘I’m sorry, Kate.’

She stares after his retreating back, then grabs her bag and coat and rushes after him, catching up with him when he’s crossed the road. ‘Wait!’

He turns around, and she doesn’t expect him to stop but he does, walking backwards so he’s still edging away from her. He’s scared.

‘I feel the same,’ she calls.

That stops him, and slowly he walks towards her.

‘Maybe I didn’t realise it until just now,’ Kate continues, ‘but it’s there. It’s been there for a while.’

‘This often happens with patients and therapists,’ Rowan explains. ‘We have to acknowledge it and not act on it. I…I think it might be best if I refer you to someone else.’

‘Yes, do that,’ Kate says. ‘But don’t ignorethis.’ She moves towards him, as if she has no control of her body, and Rowan does the same.

‘We’re both married,’ he says.

‘I know.’ She thinks of Ellis and how cold he’s been towards her, how he’s been asking a lot of questions about Graham White lately, even though he knows Kate doesn’t want to talk about it. Is it possible Ellis can no longer accept what she did?

Rowan reaches for Kate. Pushing back a strand of hair that’s fallen across her cheek, he leans down to kiss her on the mouth. Softly at first, then more urgently. Then he’s pulling her into an alleyway between the parade of shops, and the two of them tear at each other’s clothes, desperate to feel each other’s flesh.

Their affair continues for months: snatched moments after their therapy sessions, whenever Frieda is out for lunch. Rowan’s secretary never questions why he often tells her to take an extended lunch break. It’s intoxicating; the pull of Rowan is so strong that Kate feels no guilt when she’s with him. This is right where she’s meant to be.

When those brief moments are no longer enough, they gravitate to hotels. There’s a small one near Rowan’s practice that never seems crowded. Rowan always insists on paying, and always does so in cash. All the hotel staff must know what they’re doing – in and out within a couple of hours, never staying the night. It makes Kate giddy to think that she’s doing something so illicit. Sometimes she and Rowan venture into the small lobby area and have coffee before they go their separate ways, and in those moments they pretend the world outside doesn’t exist. And that this can never come back to haunt them.

Until the day Rowan tells her it’s over.

They’ve just finished a therapy session, in which he’s grilled her about Ellis and tried to make Kate see that she’s being paranoid about her husband’s behaviour. And then he says the words Kate’s half expected, because deep down she’s known this couldn’t continue.

‘I’m so sorry, Kate.’ Rowan can barely look at her. ‘I…I really do care about you. But I need to focus on my marriage, and get back on track with’ – he flaps his arms – ‘this place. I’ve been letting things slide, and I’m not proud of how I’ve carried on. I think we need to put an end to this now.’ He stands up and crosses to the window, staring out at the street. ‘I’ve never done anything like this before. And I never will again. I’m sorry. I took advantage of you and it’s all my doing.’

Once the shock of his words passes, Kate takes a deep breath. ‘All good things come to an end, don’t they?’ She smiles, to prove she’s okay with this, and the truth is sheisfine with it. Rowan was just a distraction, a way to escape her demons.

The relief on Rowan’s face is tangible. ‘I’m so glad to hear that.’ He turns to her and glances at the clock, signalling their time is over.

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