Page 46 of Rookie Days

“You’re making her sound pretty irresistible here, Jan,” Lia said, laughing softly.

“Yes, that’s a perfect word to describe her.” Confiding in Lia and airing out her own feelings also felt pretty amazing, Janet realized. She was not naturally inclined to do that often, talk openly about herself. Maybe she should. She went on. “I bumped into her at the beach the other day and took her for breakfast at Joe’s.”

“Nice one.” As a fellow swimmer, Lia was also a big fan of the Ocean Special.

“Yes, we had a great time. And when she came back to the hospital to have her staples removed, I literally bumped into her again.”

“Oh yeah? You keep being thrown together like that?” Lia wiggled her eyebrows. “Sounds like a sign from the universe if you ask me.”

“Please,” Janet groaned. “ Don’t start with the universe and all the woo-woo, okay?”

“Okay.” Lia still chuckled, clearly entertained. “Carry on.”

“I asked if she’d like to have dinner some time. She looked a little freaked out, I could tell, but she said yes. I acted on impulse the other day and took dinner to her.” Janet paused, stared at her friend. “What now? Why do you keep grinning at me?”

“Because I think this is so sweet, Jan.”

“Yeah… But you know, it’s not like me.”

“What isn’t? Having dinner with a woman you like?”

“Only for the pleasure of it. Enjoying spending time with another woman because it’s nice, not simply a prelude to a good night of sex.” Janet winced as she caught herself. “Wait, let me rephrase that. It’s not like I’ve been using my partners all these years.”

“Of course not.” Lia shrugged. She sounded firm. “I know that, Jan, don’t worry.”

“With Ellie, I really didn’t care what happened after dinner. I even lost track of time; I was just in the moment.”

“Okay. So, it’s different with her.”

“Yes. Very different. Very new.”

“Then tell me why you think you made a fool of yourself. So far, I have no idea.”

“Ah…” Janet felt the urge to cringe. “Everything was going so well; I was so at ease and relaxed… So I asked her how she’d feel about seeing each other again. I know it’s my damn fault for putting pressure on her, but she hesitated, and—"

“What pressure?” Lia interrupted with a confused frown.

Janet did not need a mirror at this point to know that her face turned bright red at the question. She could feel the flush, and squirmed in embarrassment.

“Well. We were talking before that, and I mentioned to her that I’m tired of the flirting game. That I wish I had a little bit of what you and Quinn both share. The love between you really is a beautiful thing to witness.”

“Oh, Janet.” Lia pulled her against her to plant a smooth kiss on her cheek. “Thanks… I had no idea you were still going through this.”

“Well, it took me a while to accept. Anyway. Ellie hesitated when I asked her. Which, in hindsight, I realize now was just an honest reaction. I know she’s been focusing on her job. She told me she never thought of what she might want from an intimate relationship. I think she didn’t want to agree to more between us because she’s not sure she can deliver. Such a smart reaction, and I freaked out on her like an idiot. Stormed out in a huff. Ruined everything.”

“And now you’re beating yourself up for it.”

“Yes! Of course. Wouldn’t you?”

“Perhaps.” Lia considered. “Probably, yes. But I guess that’s why you’re talking to me, right? To get a different perspective.”Her gaze softened. “You were hurt, darling. I think wanting to remove yourself from the moment was a natural reaction. I don’t think you ruined anything, or that Ellie will hold it against you. Like you say, she’s too smart.”

Well. Lia did make a lot of sense. And her gentleness might trigger more tears if Janet was not careful.

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” she grumbled.

“Sure, it does.”

“No. There’s not going to be another time between us.”

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