Page 63 of Rookie Days

“Stay still.” She grabbed her wrist.

“Why? What are you doing?”

“Checking your pulse,” came the reply on a sharply raised eyebrow. “You got a problem with that?”

Ellie sighed. She recognized that tone.

“I guess the correct answer is no, Doc.”

“Correct. You are learning, indeed.”

“Haha.”

“And yes,” Janet nodded, relaxing. “You are fine now. But you certainly weren’t before.”

Ellie marveled at how quickly she had switched to surgeon mode. Cool, sharp, in control. Now as they lay facing each other, the warm, tender lover came back.

“What did I do?” she murmured, hoping she’d not started screaming or punching the wall. Or even Janet herself…Jesus!She caught her eyes, looked long and deep. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. Just concerned. It was not easy to bring you back from that nightmare.” As Ellie shivered again in spite of herself, Janet pulled her closer. “I’d like to hear about it, Ellie, but only if you are comfortable with sharing. It’s okay if not.”

But it wouldn’t be, Ellie knew. Silence, refusal, would create a rift between them. In that instant, she realized how much she cared about Janet. They’d enjoyed a magical evening together, in every way. She did not want to lose the still fragile connection, or do anything to put it at risk.

“I told you I’d put skin in this game,” she said.

“Yes...” With a smile, Janet ran patient fingers through her hair. “You certainly did.”

It was easier in the dark. In Janet’s arms. And so, Ellie told her everything. She spoke of the incredible bond that she had shared with her identical twin, a connection which included ESP, extra-sensory perceptions. She talked of knowing instinctively in her heart that something terrible had happened to her sister, and that she was gone from this world, long before police officers retrieved her little body from the river and came knocking on her parents’ door. She described their slow descent into despair in the weeks which followed their daughter’s horrific death, and how she’d hide to listen to their conversations. Night after night, the same tears and the same questions.Why Laura? Why did this happen? Why, why, why…

chapter 21

Though Ellie did not leave anything out, she also did not linger. And she managed to stay detached, even when she mentioned her loss of control after being attacked. Janet brushed her fingers over the still raw scar on her forearm.

“From the state of your knuckles, and the list of his injuries, I figured you’d done a bit more than just defend yourself against him,” she stated.

“I was lucky not to kill him, actually. Lucky, too, that Quinn didn’t take my badge.”

“This doesn’t surprise me one bit. Quinn would understand your reaction better than a lot of people. She survived her own share of tragedy and trauma, you know.”

“She mentioned that, yeah.”

Janet kissed her slow and tender.

“You’ve gone through a massive amount too, and at such a young age... No wonder you have nightmares.”

“They don’t come very often these days.” Ellie was keen to point that out. “Not anymore. I made a big mistake the other day but I won’t let it happen again. Trust me, Janet, I’m safe.”

“I know you are. I can feel it. This being said, if you wanted to talk to someone about this, I could introduce you to a friend of mine at the hospital.”

“A shrink?”

“Don’t look so disgusted.” Janet chuckled. “He is indeed a qualified psychiatrist, and one of the best in his field. Hey, listen: when you need help with your running, you go talk to a coach, right?”

“Yes, but—”

“Even if you’re not struggling,” Janet interrupted, guessing accurately what her objection might be. “Think of it as standard performance improvement. You want to beat your best 10K time, the smart thing to do is to hire a coach.”

“I suppose so,” Ellie conceded.

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